The Autumn Tag!

THE AUTUMN TAG 2017!

A huge should out to Becca over at Becxblogs who created this tag based on a blog post by Naomi over at roomtoglow.co.uk and Simply_Kenna’s YouTube video. Thank you for thinking of me for this tag!

I love Autumn SO much, it’s always been my favourite season. I can’t wait to get started and to see other peoples answers!!

 

My Answers!

 

  1. What signifies Autumn to you?

Oranges, Browns, Red tones. Falling leaves, dark lipstick, cinnamon scented candles, hot tomato soup, jumpers, gloves, hats and scarves you’ve waited to wear all year, and cosy nights in with a blanket beside the fire.

  1. What is the best way to spend a rainy day?

In PJs, wrapped in a blanket maybe cooking/baking or making something pretty.

  1. What is your most fond Autumn memory?

One of my earliest memories is getting pulled through a muddy puddle by my dog when I was about four- we were walking through a forest, I can still picture the orange ground and trees and laughing with my mum. Obviously, getting married on Halloween is right up there too, but it doesn’t seem like the most “autumnal” memory I have!

  1. What is your favourite Autumn scent?

I have always loved the way the ground smells when it rains, which might sound weird to some! I also love the smell of apple pies, cinnamon, and coffee.

  1. What are you most excited for this Autumn?

Its our first ever wedding anniversary on Halloween, we were initially going to throw a party because I am obsessed with hosting parties, I love doing the house up and such. But as it drew closer Austin and I decided to cancel it as its our first, and we want to spend it together and do something just the two of us. I’m excited to see what Halloween has in store for us!

  1. What is your favourite Autumn song?

Because of our anniversary, for Christmas last year I bought Austin the soundtrack to Nightmare before Christmas on vinyl, I love putting that on as I clean the house, it really gets me excited for Halloween!

  1. What is your favourite Autumn movie?

I love all the Tim Burton ones, but I always look forward to watching Hocus Pocus!

  1. What TV shows are you most looking forward to this Autumn?

I always look forward to The Great British Bake Off, although this year I’m taking a bit of adjusting to life without Mary Berry, Mel and Sue! Besides that I don’t actually watch that much TV! I’m more of a Netflix girl!

  1. What is your favourite Autumn colour?

That’s such a hard question! I love the whole autumnal palette… I’d probably say like a deep red orange, the colour of pumpkin pie!

  1. What is your most loved outdoor Autumn activity?

Gosh, a few years ago I would have always said galloping down the stubble fields. I miss horse riding so much! I also like to stroll in the brisk air and look at the leaves. What a little romantic I am!

  1. What is your favourite Autumn fashion trend?

I love skirts with tights, and of course JUMPERS! I have never been one for tight fitting clothes, so autumn is my favourite season for fashion 100%.

  1. If you could have a familiar/ spirit animal, what would it be?

I actually mentioned this on my Harry Potter tag (see here), but I think my familiar would be a wolf. When I meditate I often see a wolf, and I’ve always felt very connected to canines in general.

  1. Name one place you wish you could visit during Autumn?

I’d love to visit the house they filmed “Pemberley” for Pride and Prejudice (the 1995 version not the awful Kiera Knightly one). It’s so beautiful and I’ve always wanted to go, I think with the leaves falling and the additional colour it would be spectacular.

  1. What is your favourite photo you took last Autumn?

Probably this one we took on the way to elope… I can’t help but remember how giddy and excited we both were in that moment.

 

  1. What are you being this Halloween?

Oh god, what am I not being this halloween!? I’m obsessed with halloween, halloween makeup especially. I can’t wait to share loads of different makeup looks with you over the next month on my instagram! find me over at instagram.com/quitefranklii !

 


I Tag…

  1. Britt @ alternativelyspeaking
  2. Natalie @ gorgeousandgeeky
  3. Zara @ itsallzara
  4. Emily @ thatweirdgirllife
  5. Savana @ officialsavanarae
  6. Meg @ mysticmogwai
  7. Meggan @ cardiganjezebel
  8. Kaelin @ livinginsaturn
  9. Emma @ canuckersem
  10. Hannah @ rand0mg4l

 


The Questions

  1. What signifies Autumn to you?

  2. What is the best way to spend a rainy day?

  3. What is your most fond Autumn memory?

  4. What is your favourite Autumn scent?

  5. What are you most excited for this Autumn?

  6. What is your favourite Autumn song?

  7. What is your favourite Autumn movie?

  8. What TV shows are you most looking forward to this Autumn?

  9. What is your favourite Autumn colour?

  10. What is your most loved outdoor Autumn activity?

  11. What is your favourite Autumn fashion trend?

  1. If you could have a familiar/ spirit animal, what would it be?

  1. Name one place you wish you could visit during Autumn?

  2. What is your favourite photo you took last Autumn?

  3. What are you being this Halloween?

Discounted beauty: Dawn Till Dusk “Deep Cleansing Black Mask”

Hey guys! Here’s my next post in the “Discounted Beauty” series! Discounted beauty is my new series about products found on sale, or on online discount stores such as Groupon or Wowcher. Of course if there’s anything that you’ve seen that you think I should try and review please go ahead and let me know in the comments below, I love to hear your recommendations and I’d take any suggestions into account! 

 

Dawn Till Dusk “Deep Cleansing Black Mask”

The product I have for you today is the Dawn Till Dusk “Deep Cleansing Black Mask”. I purchased this from Groupon for a whopping £1.99 plus postage! You get 100ml of product, and the packaging is quite nice, a bit gothic and fun, especially for this time of year. The instructions for this one were pretty standard, wash your face with warm water, apply an even mask avoiding sensitive areas (eyes, lips, eyebrows, hairline) and allow to dry for 30 minutes or until it changes from gloss to matte. This product claims that: “The unique blend of vitamins and plant extracts found within the ingredients soften the skin to restore a smooth, fresh and youthful glow.” It’s supposedly designed to reduce the appearance of enlarged pores and eliminate skin’s excess oil.

I was interested in this product as I do have combination skin, with majority of my skin being normal but I do suffer from a slightly oily T-Zone (prone to blackheads on my nose with enlarged pores on my cheeks). I am always on the hunt for products to shrink my pores, as it’s something I’m quite insecure about. I get frustrated with them because I feel like it makes my makeup look much less smooth and refined, and some foundations/highlights really cling to them and emphasise this problem area. My husband has quite an oily skin type in general, so he was quite happy to give a males perspective on this product also! (The gross part of us is also excited to trial this product on his back!!)

The mask is a little messy, I find they always are when they come from a tube but maybe thats just me being clumsy! When applied in an even layer as per the instructions it sits comfortably and doesn’t drip or do anything funky. As it dries down, even if you forget to time it, the product starts to feel a little tight and reminds you that it’s working (yes, I am one of those people who forgets).

After 30 minutes we were both super excited to peel it off, and had a laugh trying to peel it off in one really satisfying layer (which this product allows, SO GOOD!). Again, the sick part of me was almost hoping to see some gross stuff on the back of the peeled layer like you do with a nose strip- this was not the case. However, I was not expecting big things from a £1.99 product at all, but I did notice that my pores looked great! They genuinely did appear reduced and I was totally thrilled to the extent it made me want to apply a primer and do my makeup. My skin felt smooth, softer and clean, and despite a couple of drips on my T-Shirt during application, I really enjoyed my experience using this product.

Since then I’ve used the products a few more times since, and actually I still really like this product. If you have a spare bit of couch change laying around this product is amazing value, so why not give it a go if you can still get your hands on it?!

I hope you guys enjoyed this post, let me know what you think in the comments or again if you’ve found anything you’d like me to try let me know!!

Love from Frankii!
x

10 Tips for new bloggers!

Hey guys! I thought I’d share with you some of the things I wish I’d known before I started my blog seriously a few months ago! Hope you enjoy x

Start thinking of yourself as a brand.

This may seem a little daunting, but if you’re new or thinking of starting a blog it’s probably no different to what you were doing on social media anyway! We all have an “online persona”. Make sure your web design and content reflect you! When I first started I did a little brainstorm and considered the bloggers/influencers that inspired me. Set aside some time to really think about what it is you have to offer, and try to make sure that your personality shines through in your work. For example, for me, I’ve always been known amongst my friends for my humor and wit, so I like to break up some of my more serious posts with something a little light-hearted.

Engagement is key!

I know this one might seem obvious but the best way I’ve found to get a regular readership is simply making genuine connections with other bloggers and, well… just being pleasant! Twitter will become your best friend, you can genuinely never go wrong with following bloggers and engaging with their content. One of the best things that ever happened to my blog was joining a group chat on twitter, and a pod on Instagram. ‘Pods’ like this are a great way to ensure engagement because it allows you to connect and share links with people who have common interests as you. If nothing else, the mutual support will do wonders for your confidence, and especially if you are introverted like me, provides and amazing opportunity to make friends.

 

Participate on hot topics

Because the blogging community is so large and diverse, there is often controversy or ‘hot topics’ such as a controversial blog post, a new television show, or a trending hash-tag. While I’d never recommend getting involved with drama, sometimes it’s worth being aware or weighing in with an opinion or an issue. Again, these can be a good networking opportunities or at the very least a way to build familiarity with other bloggers/potential readers.

Also, there are often “chats” held at certain times. Usually this involves an account hosting a Q&A where people answer and discuss questions asked by a host. These are great chance to make new connections and can be great fun!

These Apps may save your life

Here are some of the apps I personally use and love:

One of the most frustrating parts of being a blogger is people who are only out for themselves. People who follow you, wait for you to follow back then unfollow you. This can be combatted by using:

Followers+ (instagram) This allows you to track your followers and see your unfollowers.

Crowdfire (Twitter) Crowdfire is great because it also allows you to schedule tweets, so that they post automatically at optimal times.

Bitly- This can be used to shorten links so that you fill up less characters when sharing your links on twitter. This helps you to include more vital hashtags that might get your post noticed!

Bloglovin’- Bloglovin’ is another way to help you keep up with other blogs and for others to follow you. This is particularly useful If you use a platform that isn’t WordPress as it gives you a “timeline” so you can keep track of content you love!

Influenster- Influenster allows you to make a profile tailored to products you love and is designed to let you review them. This can help brands to see your writing skills and to assess whether or not you might be suitable to review their products. Let’s be real, who doesn’t love a PR package?

 

Photography

Before I started blogging, I knew that photography was important but never knew quite how important it was. I would recommend purchasing a decent camera, because it just sets you apart from other bloggers and makes your content look more professional. However, if you can’t afford to splash out, or you don’t have access to a camera; there are some apps (for iPhone) that can help you out: the ones I use most often are VSCO, and Facetune. VSCO is great for general editing, lightening/brightening images, or adding tints/filters that might help you if you have an Instagram or blog image ‘theme’, where as Facetune is more aimed towards editing selfie’s or images of people.

Having mentioned ‘themes’, this is where all your images or photos abide by some sort of colour scheme or subject theme. This is regularly seen by bloggers on Instagram. Don’t feel pressured to have a theme or set aesthetic, but some people feel it adds something to their ‘brand’, as I mentioned before; since it makes their content more recognizable and consistent.

Buy your domain

This one isn’t essential, but it does help your website links to look more professional. The sooner you do this the better, that way it allows you to get to grips with your new website. If you aren’t ready to make this commitment yet, at least consider doing it as soon as possible.

Schedule/time posts for optimal times

Think about the time and day you personally are most likely to sit down and read other peoples posts. Often people do this on weekend afternoons, however, this also runs the risk that your post will be buried amongst many others written by people who were thinking the same thing. Some of my most viewed posts have actually gone live in the morning around commute time, presumably read by people using the tube or other public transport on their way to work. Find the time that works best for you! Using crowdfire as mentioned previously, you can schedule tweets (or links to your post within them) and they will post automatically for the “best time”.

Be consistent

As a newbie I know this can be daunting, but one of the easiest ways to lose followers and readers is to be inconsistent or to forget to post regularly. People are far more likely to subscribe and return to your site regularly if you are consistent. You don’t want return followers and potential subscribers to forget about you! Definitely think of writing and scheduling posts in advance to prevent this happening. If you haven’t yet launched I would even consider doing this a few weeks in advance while you find your feet with your new site.

This also applies to the content you are posting. Subscribers and repeat visitors are most likely returning to your page because they enjoy your content. As I said before, don’t feel pressured to fit into a theme or a niche, but try and work out what it is that your brand will concentrate on for the most part. For example, if you have gained subscribers through blogging about food, you might notice a decline in your engagement if you suddenly start to focus on interior design, and neglect your regular food posts. For example, for me, I try my best to stick to beauty and lifestyle. I will occasionally however break from that niche to discuss wider issues such as mental health, because it is important to me personally. I also think it is good to use my platform to do good and spread awareness. This is effective because it makes me seem relatable and human, and a lot of my audience are fellow bloggers. Blogging is a fantastic creative outlet and often a safe space to share! So, as it turns out, more of us than you know suffer from anxiety and/or struggle with mental health. I discovered this as this occasional change actually boosts my views, as a pose to harming them.

Don’t expect to become a Hollywood name overnight.

It takes time, work and a lot of learning to build your audience and become a big name in blogging. If you are blogging purely for numbers, free products or fame this is probably not the career for you, as your lack of passion will eventually shine through your content.

Most of all, have fun!

As I just mentioned, make sure you are truly passionate about what you are writing about, and provide genuine engagement and gratitude to your readership. But don’t tie yourself in knots trying to fit a niche or a theme that makes you feel less passionate about what you are doing. We blog for the love of blogging- it really is an affair of the heart. As the old saying goes, “if you chose a job you love, you will never work a day in your life.

Plus size me || bodies past, present and future

**TW: If you have issues with weight and/or body image or eating disorders there may be content in this article that you find distressing.** 

Hey guys!

Sorry I’ve been a little inconsistent with my blogging that past week or so, as you have may have seen on Twitter, I have a lot going on in my head at the moment, and I needed to take a brief step back for my Mental Health.

When I first started this blog, I had always intended for it to be purely lifestyle and beauty- but as time progressed I realised that in order to be authentic with my readership I couldn’t avoid talking about Mental Health. It’s something that affects so many of us, me included, and I have always been passionate and vocal about spreading awareness. My only downfall in this regard, has been my own pride. I have always been very supportive and try to be as nonjudgemental as possible of others when they come to me with Mental Health issues, but I’ve always struggled with taking my own advice. Since I’ve been particularly struggling this month, I thought I’d share with you what’s been going on.

Besides my decision to drop out of my MA, looking for jobs, considering a house move, and my husband being on nights, one of the biggest contributing factors I’ve always struggled with surrounding Mental Health is Body Image.


Past

I have always been, and probably always will be, a massive foodie. I love food, I love cooking, and I love the satisfaction that comes with making something great. I’m not throwing blame at all, but I wasn’t exactly brought up in a family full of healthy eating/active living role models. My Mum, a pescatarian (or as I like to call it, shitatarian) has neglected her own nutrition to make sacrifices for her kids for years. While she always cooked balanced meals, she definitely raised me with the “waste not want not” mentality, and sometimes I still feel guilty to leave food. My dad can easily eat enough to sate four men in one sitting, and when I moved in with my Grandparents, I learned to cook mostly because had I not I feel like we would have lived off M&S food that could just be thrown in a microwave or straight in the oven- Grandma is not fond of cooking!

When I was in Primary school I was bullied mercilessly until I had to change schools. I was the tallest in class, always seemed to have a coldsore on picture day, chubby, bespectacled and Mum waited far too long to introduce me to hair removal methods (I am still haunted by prepubescent photos that exhibit a rather glorious monobrow, lol)! Besides the bullying, I have very early memories of hearing the terms “big-boned” and “puppy fat” being thrown around.

Fortunately, as I reached high school and grew ever taller, eventually stopping at 5’10, I somewhat “grew into” my weight, (though unfortunately much before all the boys so I still stuck out like a sore thumb)! Also unfortunately, I also hit puberty early too. This meant that I went from being bullied to being one of the first girls to get breasts. Enter the dreaded male gaze. At around 13 I went from a B to DD in the space of two weeks. From then on they just never seemed to stop, and by the time I was 15 my body settled on a 30HH. This meant that while the measurements of my waist at the time suggested I should wear a size 8, my bust meant that I was a size 16. Looking back, I was a beautiful hourglass, but I always felt bigger than my friends. From ages 14-16 I remember skipping lunch at school, and refusing to eat breakfast, hoping that I could lose weight by only eating the one meal that Mum made at dinner time.

It worked somewhat, but at 16, with prom fast approaching, I started experiencing what I now recognise to be the first signs of anxiety. If I ever got particularly nervous or excited, I would feel nauseous and sometimes have to rush to the toilet to vomit. It was then that I started to experiment with purging. I was determined to lose weight, and mum wouldn’t let me live on those god awful SlimFast shakes. That was, until my Grandma heard me purging. My family finally accepted that I wanted to do this, and agreed. What I didn’t realise was how unhealthy this would make me. Recovering from Meningitis and on regular Codeine, I was feeling faint and lightheaded more than often. After all, I wasn’t eating proper meals. Not only this, but I have a (now very mild) intolerance to lactose, and also prone to tonsillitis, so I was living with an almost constant throat infection from the level of milk I was ingesting.

Fast forward to college, I was feeling a little more sure of myself and who I was. That was when things started escalating the other way. I remember eating my emotions each time a boy cheated on me, stress eating my way through all my exams/revision phases. I remember the look of shame and pity on my grandmas face when she caught me elbow deep in a bag of Doritios. “Ill lose weight when I’ve finished my exams”. Of course, there was always another exam. At least then, I was moderately active and had horse riding to look forward to.

This went on right into uni. On top of that I was going out clubbing and drinking at least 3-6 nights a week. I was awful in my first year, and really abused my body. My only exercise was making a fool of myself in clubs. I’d fill my body with crap and liquor. In second year it only got worse, when I had my first more “serious” wave of depression. Not only was I depressed, but in hindsight I was also agoraphobic. I hated myself so deeply I didn’t want others to see me. At one point this got so bad that I would hide in my room until I was sure my flatmates had gone to bed, and order takeaway food just so that I wouldn’t risk seeing anyone in the kitchen. I felt like I was eating to survive at this point, and my body didn’t matter. In final year I was better, refreshed and feeling right again. I signed up for Joe Wicks (the body coach) and lost 20lbs in a month, following a strict macro diet plan and HIIT exercise. Then, however, I met my now husband (who unfortunately is American with a lot of bad eating habits of his own, but rudely with the metabolism of Usain Bolt), and then was faced by my dissertation.


Present

Now, I find myself having put all that weight back on, plus a stone for good luck- I am bigger than I have ever been.

While I have always been an advocate for plus women and body positivity, I have struggled so hard with accepting my new reality. People treat me differently, I feel less likely to get jobs, afraid to do things where I’d “take up too much space”. I either obsess over or avoid mirrors at all costs, I never buy new clothes because I feel like everything looks awful, I can feel agoraphobia seeping in again, I feel like everyone is judging me, my family is ashamed of me and I haven’t felt “sexy” in about a year. I’ve always wanted a breast reduction because of my back pain, but they advise you not to get one until you’re “happy” with your weight, since if you gain or loose too much either way the shape will change. When I dream, I don’t appear the way I do in real life. I don’t even recognise who I am in the mirror, and honestly, I really don’t think I want to.

On top of the shallow reasons I have always wanted to lose weight, I am also now consumed with new symptoms and concerns about my health. I know if I don’t change my life soon I am going to eat myself to death. I’ve always had back pain due to the size of my bust, but now I can’t even stand for long enough to do the dishes without sitting down to avoid tears. I hadn’t realised how bad it had gotten until last year for our mini-honeymoon, merely walking around London I found myself clinging onto A’s arm with tears in my eyes because my back pain was so severe. Not only this, my resting heart rate is insanely high, I’m constantly fatigued and I’m beginning to see more and more symptoms of pre-diabetes, and it is making me insanely paranoid.

Honestly, I want to lose weight so that I can do the things I enjoy again. So I can feel confident in myself and wear the clothes I long to wear. So I can feel sexy and healthy and enjoy being active and going on adventures with my husband. I want to feel like myself again.


Future

My plans for the future are to take effect immediately. No more “I’ll start Monday”, or I’ll try harder next week. I need to make this commitment to myself and to the people who love me so that I don’t eat myself into an early grave. I miss doing the sports I loved so much but 4 years ago. I miss waking up and not worrying about being in pain every day. The worst part is, I know about nutrition and exercise, I just don’t do it, and while my mental health often causes my lack of desire, it’s often also the other way around. I need to force myself through the pain and the hard times to reach the size 10 jeans at the end of the tunnel.

I thought I would write this to let you all know, since you might be noticing some changes with my Instagram and other social media feeds. Of course I will still be doing beauty, but I’d love to start sharing my journey with you all, because I feel like through blogging I’ve found a space on the internet full of loving, supportive souls. Besides, there might even be a few recipes in it for you!

 

Love,

Frankii xx

 

 

 

 

I know this post was a little long and a little personal, but hopefully now I’ve worked through my emotional turmoil (lol I’m so dramatic) I’ll be back to regular posting. My next installation of discounted beauty is coming soon!! Xx

Discounted Beauty: UltraWhite Home Teeth Whitening Kit

What’s up guys! Today I’m starting a new series that I’m hoping you’ll love. “Discounted Beauty” is going to be a series about products found on sale, or on online discount stores such as Groupon or Wowcher. Of course if there’s anything that you’ve seen that you think I should try and review please go ahead and let me know in the comments below!

The first product I have for you guys is the the “UltraWhite Home Teeth Whitening Kit”. The products come in a metallic medical/sterile feeling packaging, and as you can see in the top picture, this kit comes with three, six or nine 3ml non-peroxide gel syringes with gel caps to stop it from going bad, a tooth colour chart so that you can track your progress and see what shade you’ve achieved, a double silicone mouth tray, and an “ultra blue LED laser light” which claims to accelerate/enhance the process.

I’ve always looked after my teeth, they are not terribly yellow, having not smoked for long before giving up last year (go me!) – but I definitely feel like my coffee consumption during my three years at University have left them looking a little more sad than they used to. I spent a long while with the colour chart trying to assess what shade my teeth were at, but the colour chart seems to go from brilliant white to brownish, whereas mine are slightly yellow. I didn’t think any of them resembled my teeth but I suppose I would place it around a 5-6 if I had to.

The instructions tell you to essentially squeeze a small line of gel onto each side of the tray across your front 6-8 teeth. It then says to “insert” the light, and leave on for no more than 30 minutes before removing the tray, and rinsing your mouth and the products with water.

The first thing I noticed with this is, the sheer size of the mouth tray. When putting it in I felt more like I was going to film a YouTube video of me playing the “Speak Out” challenge. I don’t have the largest mouth, and I found it really hard to fit this piece in. The shape felt very unnatural and uncomfortable, and has a strange ridge that I found I had to physically pull my lips over.

The second thing I noticed is the light does not fit or secure into the tray at all. It had me wondering if the light was designed for a different product, so again, I had to try and fit this along with this enormous tray inside my mouth. Consequently, the light didn’t really sit flush with the product and I found myself having to adjust it several times.

About half way through, (skip this paragraph if you’re easily grossed out) I felt extremely uncomfortable as there were pools of saliva collecting in the bottom of my mouth. Because of this, it was obviously mixing with the gel, and I could taste it. I’m not sure how safe this is, and it seemed to numb the tip of my tongue.

It actually took a fair bit of willpower to last a full 30 minutes, but I told myself if my teeth looked even a shade whiter it would all be worth it. Unfortunately, as I removed the tray, (and the pools of drool/product collected in the bottom of my mouth) I looked in the mirror to see that absolutely nothing had changed.

QUITE FRANKLII… (lol) I was going to include a before and after picture at this point, but honestly, the pictures I took literally look exactly the same. I gave it another shot, and tried again the next day, only to find that I had now wasted £15 and an hour of my life instead of 30 feeling very dribbly and very uncomfortable all for nothing! I think it’s safe to conclude my lovelies, that I do not advise purchasing this product, and there is probably a reason it’s discounted on Groupon!

Despite my suffering I hope you guys enjoyed my first “discounted beauty” post! As I said before, feel free to share in the comments below any links or products to things you’d like to see me try below, I love hearing from you!

Lots of Love,

Francesca! x

 

Toxic Friendships Series | Cleaning Up Your ‘Squad’: Pt. IV


Regular readers, since in both my anxiety tips, and my graduate mental health posts, I touched on the importance of cutting ties with toxic individuals, I thought it only fair to share with you my own experiences, and some of the sorts of behaviours you should look out for and try to avoid when trying to lead a positive life. I created this series both as a form of therapy and a means of warning/advising others who may feel like they are in the same boat. I’m making this a series, as it was a little long to include several types of toxic friend in one post. I aim to post at 11am GMT each week until the series is done.

Ps. Please don’t be afraid to walk away if someone is damaging your energy. It does not make you a bad person to walk away from someone who is toxic. You deserve happiness! x


The One(s) I Hoped I’d Never Have To Write

For me, though I can be hard to get to know initially, my morals are such that after I’ve been with/through a certain amount of things with a person, I will generally love them almost as an extension of my family. This is something that never fully goes away. These are the most painful friendship breakups of all. The ones where you’ve grown together, but sometimes they start to grow in a direction you don’t like. The ones where the person in your memories doesn’t coincide with the person stood before you today. The ones whose energy has changed and become suffocating or poisonous to your own.

For me, and i’m sure for many of you out there, you may find yourselves holding on to the people in memories, even though they don’t exist anymore. You may try to turn a blind eye to the negative traits they’ve picked up, hoping and wishing for it to just be a phase. The fact is, that life changes us. Sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes they grow into people who- when you really make yourself face the music, you don’t recognise… or even like anymore. This whole series was inspired by a recent experience. If the person(s) concerned are reading this (which I doubt as the lack of support has been going on for much longer than I realised), know that I’m sorry.

This is to be my final post in the series, with a view to opening it up again later on if anyone has any ideas or requests on toxic friends I’ve missed. This one was particularly hard for me to write hence I saved it till last. I hope you all can build the courage to end friendships that are/become toxic no matter how long you have been friends, because ultimately holding on to people that don’t love and support you in a genuine, healthy way will only damage you, and impact your life negatively. It’s ok to let people go if their energy isn’t right for you.

 

Dear Ex-Friend,

Life changed us, stretched our relationship over distances that meant we grew apart. We saw each other less and less, and each time I would see you I would notice differences. Some subtle, the shifts in your energy… less so. Before long the person sat before me was someone I didn’t feel that I knew. The person I knew and loved was too crazy and fun-loving to even notice things that this new person would say out of jealousy or spite. We used to be like siblings, but we changed.

I grew drained as each time we met a new person would become the subject of your anger. I tried to love you through it, sometimes smiling through discomfort and worst of all joining in, really wanting to believe that these people deserved the words you were saying. Hoping that you’d only talk about people this way if they’d severely wronged you,  but before long I couldn’t miss the pangs of envy that tainted your conversations. The people you spoke of all had something that you wished you had, and though the picture of victimisation was one I wanted to believe, the green began to seep through the cracks.

Before long I couldn’t help but wonder what you’d be saying about me behind my back. As I distanced myself, I felt the hostility growing inside you. Instead of looking inwards to consider why someone wouldn’t want to be friends with you, you lashed out. Not to mention, as it turns out, I was right to wonder.

I cannot fathom what could have happened in a persons life, to turn someone I loved for their carefree attitude and mutual aversion to b*tching about others into someone who could be so nasty. I supported you through everything I could, and ignored new warning signs as long as I possibly could have. But even as I felt resigned to distance myself from the friendship, nothing could have prepared me for the betrayal I felt when I heard that I’d become the topic of dinner conversation.

When I started blogging, I knew I would be judged for it. That’s one of the reasons I made sure to really cut down my Facebook down to people that I know (or thought I knew) loved me. To be ridiculed for doing something innocent and productive with my spare time, to say things like “who cares what she has to say?” was bad enough. But to screenshot a selfie and to tear apart my actual physical appearance, my marriage, my existence… To be that spiteful towards someone you shared years of memories with- was unforgivable.

To you, dear “friend”, I honestly hope that some day you can fill the void or the chip on your shoulder and realise that the world isn’t out to get you. Treating the people who love you awfully isn’t going to wind up benefitting your life, it will only push people away till you wind up alone. I never thought I would have to say goodbye to you, and part of me hopes that in a few years time this will have all just been a phase. I truly hope you can recover the person you were, because I know that deep down this toxic person isn’t you. But until then, for my own sanity, I think I’ll have to put this one to rest.

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I believe that soul-mates are not always romantic partners, or “the one”, or even necessarily friends made to last; but they may also be people you meet at a time in your life when you need each other for one reason or another. As they say, some friends come for a lifetime, and others just a season, but to me that’s no reason to say that you can’t cherish the memories you made together. Ultimately, you hold the pen to your novel. When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to fit in. When I met you, for what ever reason, I did. As we grew, our views on love, friendship and trust began to grow and change- and us with them. If you’re reading this, and you find I’ve left you behind, know that it was never easy for me. For me, when I love someone, I love them loyally and wholeheartedly. No matter what you’ve done, or how time has gnarled us, know that I wish you the best.

Love From,

Frankii x


**DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one in particular, but there may be elements applicable to several people whom, for one reason or another, are no longer a part of my journey.**

5 Tips for Freshers/Freshmen!


Since I’m starting my Master’s at a new University next month (UEA), I was thinking about how daunting facing a new academic adventure is. University (NTU) held some of the best (and worst) times of my life, and your life really is about to change forever. Living away from home and studying something (hopefully) you love will help you to really grow and find yourself. It sounds cliché but though it’s certainly not for everyone, your experience really will be an intensely valuable one, and hopefully will contain some of the best days of your life. I’m genuinely very jealous that you are getting to do it for the first time! 

 Though I am still jittery with nerves and excitement this time around, I know that I can cope. I remember how anxious I was in the weeks leading up to my first day, so as an old Uni veteran now, I thought that I would share with you guys some tips and tricks I picked up in my first year that helped me survive the transition, and some of the things I wish I’d done differently! 

 


 

Ditch that fuckboy!

Starting off with a semi-serious topic, having seen many relationships fall to bits here is my advice to you: If you are not one hundred percent certain that your relationship was built to last, I would seriously advise you to consider entering University single.

The fact is, it is extremely difficult to make a relationship work long distance as it is, without the added burden of being a new student added on. Unless you are very lucky, chances are you will not be able to afford a social life on top of train tickets/fuel to go see your SO every other week unless he is attending the same establishment as you.

Then, from my experience, everyone in Fresher’s week is like a dog in heat. For many singleton’s, it is the ultimate opportunity to meet and *ahem* ‘connect‘ with new people. Even if you don’t think you are a jealous person, if there is even the slightest part of you that is insecure, ‘adulterous’ or jealous, Fresher’s week will probably bring that out in you. Temptation is everywhere, when you aren’t drunk you are probably very hungover and fragile, meaning that emotions will be running extremely high. You quite possibly may find yourself crying in the club bathroom arguing over the fit flatmate you saw in his pictures, even if there is nothing going on. (You have no idea how many girls I had to step over on the bathroom floor!) Sometimes however, you are right to be jealous. I’ve seen both boys and girls sleeping with other people knowing full well they were in a relationship.

Unless you trust them implicitly, please think about whether it’s worth it. Fresher’s week is such an incredible and fun experience for most, and I hate to think that you might spend it sad or jealous over someone who won’t even matter in 5 years time. I know many people who severely regret wasting their time in fruitless relationships that prevented them from experiencing Fresher’s to the full with a clean slate. I’m not saying immediately set out and ditch your partner of 7 years, but definitely talk about it and ensure you’re both on the same page. If this lad/lass is probably not the father/mother of your children, rip the band aid off early and ditch them.

 

Embrace the anxiety

This may sound strange, but anxiety is good. If you weren’t a little nervous, you’d probably be a psychopath. For many, uni/college is the first time they’ve ever lived away from home, let alone with a group of complete strangers. If not, it’s still an entirely different situation. Fortunately, adrenaline is a great confidence booster, and since everyone is probably feeling the exact same way, you will find that conversation starts extremely easily. If your Rep’s do their jobs right, they will get you all together and gently force you to engage with other people outside of your flat, provide ice breakers and drinking games. (My fresher’s reps at NTU were totally amazing and went above and beyond the call of duty. Remember that if you are in trouble you should definitely seek out someone in a Rep shirt and ask them for help. That’s what they are there for!) You will find you have new friends almost immediately, with everyone clinging to everyone and finding great comradery in your new situation! (If you do suffer from anxiety, you can find tips for coping here)!

 

Brace yourself for hangovers!

If your religion or beliefs dictate that you can’t drink, I would definitely recommend joining a club or society for people within your church or at the very least one for people who share similar interests.

If not, brace for impact guys and gals. You will be not just allowed, but encouraged to drink all week long, and to go out every single night. This is because it really does help loosen people up and makes making friends loads easier! This is amazing, but if you’ve ever heard the term “Fresher’s Flu” and thought it was a myth you were wrong. It is very very real. Because you are either drunk or hungover consistently, you will find your voice strained, you’re covered in bruises and probably very emotional and fragile for afterwards. Here are my tried and true livesaver’s for hangovers:

  1. Before you begin your sesh: place a 2L bottle of water, a banana and a glass of water with salt and sugar in it next to your bed every night. Down the glass and eat your banana first thing when you wake up. This sounds insane and gross, but its science. You lose potassium, salt and sugars from being drunk and dehydrated. Putting this back into your system first thing might help you recover quicker. Google it, its a thing. I promise.
  2. After your sesh: if you can stomach it, try and have eggs for breakfast. If you’re vegan or otherwise dislike eggs, oats/porridge contain something called ‘Cysteine’ that helps your liver to break down the toxins.
  3. After your sesh: not trying to turn you all into pill poppers and addicts, but pro-plus or caffiene tablets/coffee could be your saving grace if you feel your energy flagging as the week goes on. See also vodka redbulls/jagerbombs.
  4. After your sesh:  Have a warm shower, then flash it cold to finish. Again, maybe I am mental, but there’s a reason a lot of entrepreneurs swear by a cold shower. Consider athelete’s having an ice bath too. It just really wakes you up and helps to get rid of the brain fog.
  5. After your sesh: make a round of tea and discuss all the hilarity and probable bad decisions you made the night before! Nothing makes a hangover worth it like story time with your new pals.

 

Don’t just stick to people in your flat

Make sure you remember there are people outside your flat that you probably have way more in common with than the weirdo in room 6. If you’re lucky your flatmates will be great, but after a few weeks they will probably get annoying and you will need friends who don’t steal your milk and don’t argue over dishes for 3 weeks straight. I really wish I’d joined a society while I was at uni, or in the very least not been ill all the time so I could have attended more. Make the most of your experience!

 

Leave your door open!

Get decent and open your door as soon as possible. It makes you way more approachable. At my uni we got told off for propping all the fire doors open but it meant that it became a bizarre sort of hippy community with the whole block of flats. We made friends with most of the block and ended up walking in and out of peoples rooms when we were bored or hungover needing a pal. Harry Potter marathons are necessary in that first week, I’m telling ya. We even ended up pre-drinking to GBBO. No regrets.

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you guys found this post helpful or at the very least entertaining! If you have any questions or want any advice, especially if you’ll be joining the Trent Army in September I would love to hear from you! Either reply in the comments or find me on twitter @quitefranklii ! Be sure to share this with anyone you think would find this useful and i’ll see you guys in my next post! 

Francesca x

 

Toxic Friendships Series | Cleaning Up Your ‘Squad’: Pt. III


Regular readers, since in both my anxiety tips, and my graduate mental health posts, I touched on the importance of cutting ties with toxic individuals, I thought it only fair to share with you my own experiences, and some of the sorts of behaviours you should look out for and try to avoid when trying to lead a positive life. I created this series both as a form of therapy and a means of warning/advising others who may feel like they are in the same boat. I’m making this a series, as it was a little long to include several types of toxic friend in one post. I aim to post at 11am GMT each week until the series is done.

Ps. Please don’t be afraid to walk away if someone is damaging your energy. It does not make you a bad person to walk away from someone who is toxic. You deserve happiness! x


The Fake

The fake, otherwise known as the user, similar to the narcissist but not as malicious or draining, these are the friends that are only there when the sun is shining. The friends that appear when they need you and expect you to bend over backwards to support them but with reluctant or no reciprocation. You will find that they have no interest in really getting to know you, or supporting you and your goals- this is realistically because to them you are just a means to an end, someone to fill an empty slot in their schedule. If your plans don’t revolve around them, or their idea of fun, they will be disinterested and suddenly come up busy. You are their booty-call buddy, a convenient way to pass the time (yet they have are quick to guilt trip you for cancelling on them). They will constantly and consistently bring up other “friends” in conversation, and talk negatively about them, assuming you are too stupid to realise they do the same to you when your back is turned. Common phrases include “Oh my god, have you seen how fat she’s gotten?” and when intimidated by people doing better than they are (my personal favourite): “look how much she loves herself!”

Dear Fake

I don’t have much to say to you, because you were unable to hold my attention for long. You thought you were the next Regina George, but you turned out to be just another entitled loser. I feel sorry for you that you’ve become so insecure and bitter that you feel threatened by other peoples happiness and success. I feel sorry for you because you will never know true friendship while you continue to step on the people that love you to build yourself and fill the voids in your ego. Pulling up screenshots of people in group conversations to comment on their appearance, talking about peoples fluctuations in weight as though the number on the scale defines your value as a human being on this earth. You never learned that real Queens fix one another’s crowns and build each other- and i pity you as you’ve never felt the incredible empowerment that comes from mutual love and genuine support. The real tea is, you aren’t confident enough, funny enough, or witty enough to make Regina George work. Most of all, you are not clever enough. People will always spot you, whether it takes a week or a month, and grow tired of your lack of loyalty.

I’m always reluctant to discuss other women negatively unless I trust you implicitly and they have previously done me severe wrong. Even then, I tend not to think about them. One of my favourite quotes is:

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of harming another; you end up getting burned”.

Realistically, the only person you are harming by holding on to bitterness and resentment is yourself. That crap will bubble and spread inside of you like a toxin, and soon you will find yourself having poisonous thoughts. My hope for you, “friend” that one day you learn to let go of your insecurities, to stop lashing out when you feel threatened or envious, and ultimately, to love and be loved in return.

 


 

Dear Ex-Friend,

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I believe that soul-mates are not always romantic partners, or “the one”, or even necessarily friends made to last; but they may also be people you meet at a time in your life when you need each other for one reason or another. As they say, some friends come for a lifetime, and others just a season, but to me that’s no reason to say that you can’t cherish the memories you made together. When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to fit in. When I met you, for what ever reason, I did. As we grew, our views on love, friendship and trust began to grow and change- and us with them. If you’re reading this, and you find I’ve left you behind, know that it was never easy for me. For me, when I love someone, I love them loyally and wholeheartedly. No matter what you’ve done, or how time has gnarled us, know that I wish you the best.

Love From,

Frankii x


**DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one in particular, but there may be elements applicable to several people whom, for one reason or another, are no longer a part of my journey.**

The Harry Potter Tag

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As anyone even remotely close to me probably already knows, I am a HUGE Potter fan. I have a themed tattoo on my ass, and my husband and I even went to the Harry Potter Studios in London for our “mini-moon”. Shout out to the gorgeous Britt from over at Alternatively Speaking for nominating me for this tag!!

\o-o/

As I understand it, while there are a number of Harry Potter tags floating around the internet, this one was created by a girly called Cassie at Zombie Goddess Beauty. (You can read her answers here)! She said:

“As it is Harry Potter’s 37th Birthday today. And this year marks the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone book’s release!

So today I’ve collected 18 questions that are floating around the internet. There are other HP tags floating around but I wanted to collect a bunch of the questions together.”

The idea is that you answer this list of Harry Potter themed questions, and then tag some of your fellow Harry Potter lovers! Make sure you provide them with the list of questions you were given so that they too can answer them and pass on the tag!!!

 

 

MY ANSWERS:

What house are you in?

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I’m a true Gryffindor. No matter which test I take I’m always sorted into Gryffindor. The house of courage, bravery and determination, perhaps maybe that means I need to shut my mouth once in a while!

What is your patronus?

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I was so excited to do this test again. On an old email account I actually got a Tigress, but this time I got a wolf. I was super pleased with this, as I’ve always felt a strange spiritual connection with wolves (hence my header). I’m sad that J.K hasn’t decided to giv us an explanation of our patronuses yet, so I decided to check out Patronus Analysis like Britt did, and here is what it had to say:

“The wolf is a bit of a darker and mysterious soul, with the strength of a fighter. A person with this patronus has had a lot happen in their life, and do to that they wear a mask over their emotions. They do, however, have a very big heart that is full of both passion and fire. They have a lot of emotion within them that they are willing to give, but only once they completely trust you, and since they have been made cynical over the years this can be difficult. The most common house for a wolf patronus is Gryffindor, the most common signs are Taurus and Sagittarius”

Besides my star sign (For the record I am a Capricorn), this rang incredibly true with me. I love it!

What is your wand?

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According to Pottermore: Hornbeam wood, Unicorn hair core, 13 ¾” in length, Slightly Springy flexibility.

J.K- About the Wood:

“My own wand is made of hornbeam, and so it is with all due modesty that I state that hornbeam selects for its life mate the talented witch or wizard with a single, pure passion, which some might call obsession (though I prefer the term ‘vision’), which will almost always be realised. Hornbeam wands adapt more quickly than almost any other to their owner’s style of magic, and will become so personalised, so quickly, that other people will find them extremely difficult to use even for the most simple of spells. Hornbeam wands likewise absorb their owner’s code of honour, whatever that might be, and will refuse to perform acts – whether for good or ill – that do not tally with their master’s principles. A particularly fine-tuned and sentient wand.

About the Core:

“As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.”

About the length:

(lol). I guess because I’m taller than average my wand is longer than average.

About the flexibility:

According to Olivander: “Wand flexibility or rigidity denotes the degree of adaptability and willingness to change possessed by the wand-and-owner pair – although, again, this factor ought not to be considered separately from the wand wood, core and length, nor of the owner’s life experience and style of magic, all of which will combine to make the wand in question unique.”

guess, “slightly springy” would hint towards me being open minded- which I am!

What would your boggart be?

This is a tough one…  I really dislike snakes. I wouldn’t want to share a vicinity with one, but I wouldn’t say i’m deathly afraid either. After deliberating for a long while, I realised my biggest fear is probably rejection/dying alone. I think my boggart would probably take the form of Divorce papers.

What position would you play in Quidditch?

I used to love the idea of being a seeker, but I think I’m too competitive and would want to be in the thick of the action- so probably a chaser.

Would you be a pure blood, half blood or muggle born?

According to the theory circling the internet:

Muggles: People who haven’t seen the movies or read the books

Muggle-borns: People who have only seen the movies

Half-bloods: People who have only read the books

Pure Bloods: People who have read the books and seen the movies

Deatheaters: Pure Bloods that look down on Muggle-borns

This would probably make me a death eater! But since I’ve no relationship with my biological father, I like to think I’d be a half-blood.

What job would you want after to have after graduating Hogwarts?

Hmm… I’d love to start a skincare/beauty line one day irl. Perhaps I would experiment with some potions. Taking anti-aging cream to a whole new level! Lipgloss laced with love potion anyone?

Which of the deathly hallows would you choose?

A true introvert, of course I’d pick the invisibility cloak. Imagine the places you could sneak in with that bad boy?? Harry was so unimaginative with it! 😉

Favourite book?

The Goblet of Fire. It was so magical to me!

Least favourite book?

The Order of the Phoenix

Favourite film?

My favourite film is actually probably the first one, because it’s lighter and It’s the one I will throw on time and time again when I’m feeling down. But a close second for me is The Half-Blood Prince. I love Luna’s character and Slughorn’s party. I also think it ties the others together amazingly.

Least favourite film?

Oh god, actually *unpopular opinion* The Prisoner of Azkaban. Not because it’s bad, it’s cinematically gorgeous. I feel like it’s just quite dark and emotional- It’s one that I have to weirdly prepare myself for.

Favourite character?

There’s so many to choose from! Probably Hermione because she taught me that women could be intelligent, whilst also warriors who know how to save themselves. I looked up to her immensely as a child so I will always have a very special place for her in my heart.  But I also love McGonagall in all her sassy glory, Molly who reminds me very much of my own mother. However, I also secretly love Bellatrix. I’m a die hard Helena Bonham-Carter fan and I love her portrayal of Bellatrix.

Least favourite/most hated character?

Dolores. Freaking. Umbridge. Do you know what though, film Ginny sucked too. I hated how they sucked all the sass out of her and portrayed her as this lame simpering little virgin. In the books she was fierce, feisty and popular. I don’t know if it was the casting choice or the acting, but I feel like I have to stop myself rolling my eyes every time she’s on screen. Sorry not sorry. 

Favourite teacher at Hogwarts?

As I just mentioned, I adore McGonagall’s character. She’s fierce, sassy and also fiercely caring. It shows in her arguments with Umbridge and her kindness towards Trelawney when she’s facing job loss. Also, her fight with Snape is honestly one of the most moving scenes to me as you can really feel the pain she feels. She wants to defend the kids but also is mourning the loss of Dumbledore. Maggie Smith gave it perfect life too.

Least favourite teacher at Hogwarts?

Who doesn’t hate Umbridge? But to be honest I found Lockheart deplorably irritating too.

Do you have any unpopular opinions about the series?

Not unpopular, but why wasn’t Peeves in the films more!? But, yes. I have a few…

My first one, although I adore Alan Rickman and his portrayal (I once dreamt I met him and cried because it wasn’t real, and he was the first celebrity death I really shed a tear for) but I have issues with Snape as a character. I understand the power behind “Always”, but his love (or actually even creepy obsession) for Lily does not excuse the fact he bullied kids like Neville to the point that he became his actual boggart.

As I’ve already mentioned, I think film Ginny was a bad casting choice with bad writing.

The last one I can think of is that I loved Draco’s character. I thought they gave it a really good depth, it wasn’t black and white like a lot of the others, but he really was ‘grey’. I felt like he was very much a victim of circumstance, like an innocent child born into the KKK. For this I also 110% recommend going to watch The Cursed Child too. I. LOVED. IT.

If you could save one character from the finale battle who would you save?

Ugh, I know it was to prove a point or whatever, but Fred’s death really cut me up. If not, it would be Tonks so that Teddy would have a mother- however, I know that life would be very hard on her without Remus. They were soul mates and I’d hate to see her have to live without him.

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I really hope you’ve enjoyed reading my answers! For this tag I would like the lovely:

  1. Amy @ kissesfromamy
  2. Kate @ girlmasked
  3. Kerry @ stepintime
  4. Becca @ becxblogs
  5. Lisa @ lisabritton
  6. Sophie @ trafotoz
  7. Emily @ thatweirdgirllife
  8. Hannah @ hannahdarley
  9. Geek of All @ geekofall
  10. Sassy Wyatt @ thinkingoutloud

 

 


 

 

 

THE QUESTIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

  1. What house are you in?
  2. What is your patronus?
  3. What is your wand?
  4. What would your boggart be?
  5. What position would you play in Quidditch?
  6. Would you be a pure blood, half blood or muggle born?
  7. What job would you want after to have after graduating Hogwarts?
  8. Which of the deathly hallows would you choose?
  9. Favourite book?
  10. Least favourite book?
  11. Favourite film?
  12. Least favourite film?
  13. Favourite character?
  14. Least favourite/most hated character?
  15. Favourite teacher at Hogwarts?
  16. Least favorite teacher at Hogwarts?
  17. Do you have any unpopular opinions about the series?
  18. If you could save one character from the finale battle who would you save?

 


 

I really hope you enjoyed reading my answers! With my constant hair dye I like to think of myself as the Gryffindor version of Tonks! I can’t wait to read everyone else’s answers please remember to tag me in them so I can read them when you’re done!!
Francesca x

 

Toxic Friendships Series | Cleaning Up Your ‘Squad’: Pt. II


Regular readers, since in both my anxiety tips, and my graduate mental health posts, I touched on the importance of cutting ties with toxic individuals, I thought it only fair to share with you my own experiences, and some of the sorts of behaviours you should look out for and try to avoid when trying to lead a positive life. I created this series both as a form of therapy and a means of warning/advising others who may feel like they are in the same boat. I’m making this a series, as it was a little long to include several types of toxic friend in one post. I aim to post at 11am GMT each week until the series is done.

Ps. Please don’t be afraid to walk away if someone is damaging your energy. It does not make you a bad person to walk away from someone who is toxic. You deserve happiness! x


The Limpet

A “Limpet”, based on a crustacean that lives clinging tightly to rocks, this is my term for those insecure clingy friends. These are the friends who will bombard your phone/social media when they don’t hear from you for a while; send you on guilt trips every time you can’t hang out or need space; chastise you for having other friends, and require constant and consistent reassurance.

Dear Limpet, 

I’m sorry that life has been so unkind that you’ve ended up insecure. I’m sorry that you asked me if you were annoying so many times that it got annoying. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be happy for you when you entered new relationships, because I knew how your insecure attachment style made you think everyone who smiled at you was ‘the one’.

I loved you for your sweetness and your unyeilding loyalty, but soon I felt that you were becoming less and less yourself. First I felt you adopting my hobbies and interests, though never having experienced them before. Then I felt you adopting my mannerisms and opinions- never one to disagree or challenge what I had to say. I wanted to know you, and I thrive on intellectual discussions. I silently willed you to disagree with me even once, but it never came. I wanted to know you and grow with you, but I soon realised it is hard to be friends with a reflection.

The truth is, as a true introvert, we were never a friendship built to last. I need my own space, I crave it for energy. To me, my own company is like a cool breeze on a stifling summers day. To you, with a predisposed fear of abandonment saw this as a slight. Friend, though you were kind and constant, I could not sustain the amount of emotional energy your friendship required me to give. I found myself needing more and more time alone, time with friends who knew themselves well enough to trust that I would always return after a day or so to myself.

I hope that one day you find yourself and grow. I hope that you find opinions and interests that are authentic and your own. I hope that you stop trying to be everyone except yourself, because until then you will always feel insecure and unaccepted- since the person you are presenting isn’t the real you trapped inside anyway. I hope that one day you understand that I didn’t “abandon” you or “cut you off”. I hope that you can learn to put your insecurities aside in order to walk in my shoes and not feel betrayed by my absence. Perhaps one day when you know yourself we will meet again- and I won’t feel harassed or pressured every time I see your name pop up on my phone. x

 


Dear Ex-Friend,

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I believe that soul-mates are not always romantic partners, or “the one”, or even necessarily friends made to last; but they may also be people you meet at a time in your life when you need each other for one reason or another. As they say, some friends come for a lifetime, and others just a season, but to me that’s no reason to say that you can’t cherish the memories you made together. When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to fit in. When I met you, for what ever reason, I did. As we grew, our views on love, friendship and trust began to grow and change- and us with them. If you’re reading this, and you find I’ve left you behind, know that it was never easy for me. For me, when I love someone, I love them loyally and wholeheartedly. No matter what you’ve done, or how time has gnarled us, know that I wish you the best.

Love From,

Frankii x

 


**DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one in particular, but there may be elements applicable to several people whom, for one reason or another, are no longer a part of my journey.**