QuiteFranklii’s Thanksgiving Guide

Hi guys! I’m back!! (Apologies, I’ve had some health issues recently, and then my Macbook decided to give up on me, and so my little one week break from intense social media and blogging became more like three). To make up for lost time, I felt like it would be fun to catch you guys up with what I’ve been up to.

As you may or may not know, we are a multi-cultural household, as my husband is in fact American! (I am British). As such, over the past few years I’ve found myself embracing a new holiday, Thanksgiving!  Of course, as a lifelong foodie I didn’t take much convincing, after all- what kind of maniac would be adverse to a huge meal surrounded by loved ones? Since one of my greatest passions in life is cooking, and hosting parties, (not to mention the fact I always want to try my best to stop Austin from feeling homesick)-  I decided that this year I would introduce a few of my favourite people to Thanksgiving, and invite them all round for an evening of food, festive fun and cocktails.

Over the next few days, I hope to share with you some of the things that helped me to prepare for this holiday (I’m definitely still learning) including recipes that can also be wonderful at Christmas time- so don’t be put off if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving!!

First up will be my To-Do list, I really hope you enjoy it!

All my love,

Frankii x

Plus size me || bodies past, present and future

**TW: If you have issues with weight and/or body image or eating disorders there may be content in this article that you find distressing.** 

Hey guys!

Sorry I’ve been a little inconsistent with my blogging that past week or so, as you have may have seen on Twitter, I have a lot going on in my head at the moment, and I needed to take a brief step back for my Mental Health.

When I first started this blog, I had always intended for it to be purely lifestyle and beauty- but as time progressed I realised that in order to be authentic with my readership I couldn’t avoid talking about Mental Health. It’s something that affects so many of us, me included, and I have always been passionate and vocal about spreading awareness. My only downfall in this regard, has been my own pride. I have always been very supportive and try to be as nonjudgemental as possible of others when they come to me with Mental Health issues, but I’ve always struggled with taking my own advice. Since I’ve been particularly struggling this month, I thought I’d share with you what’s been going on.

Besides my decision to drop out of my MA, looking for jobs, considering a house move, and my husband being on nights, one of the biggest contributing factors I’ve always struggled with surrounding Mental Health is Body Image.


Past

I have always been, and probably always will be, a massive foodie. I love food, I love cooking, and I love the satisfaction that comes with making something great. I’m not throwing blame at all, but I wasn’t exactly brought up in a family full of healthy eating/active living role models. My Mum, a pescatarian (or as I like to call it, shitatarian) has neglected her own nutrition to make sacrifices for her kids for years. While she always cooked balanced meals, she definitely raised me with the “waste not want not” mentality, and sometimes I still feel guilty to leave food. My dad can easily eat enough to sate four men in one sitting, and when I moved in with my Grandparents, I learned to cook mostly because had I not I feel like we would have lived off M&S food that could just be thrown in a microwave or straight in the oven- Grandma is not fond of cooking!

When I was in Primary school I was bullied mercilessly until I had to change schools. I was the tallest in class, always seemed to have a coldsore on picture day, chubby, bespectacled and Mum waited far too long to introduce me to hair removal methods (I am still haunted by prepubescent photos that exhibit a rather glorious monobrow, lol)! Besides the bullying, I have very early memories of hearing the terms “big-boned” and “puppy fat” being thrown around.

Fortunately, as I reached high school and grew ever taller, eventually stopping at 5’10, I somewhat “grew into” my weight, (though unfortunately much before all the boys so I still stuck out like a sore thumb)! Also unfortunately, I also hit puberty early too. This meant that I went from being bullied to being one of the first girls to get breasts. Enter the dreaded male gaze. At around 13 I went from a B to DD in the space of two weeks. From then on they just never seemed to stop, and by the time I was 15 my body settled on a 30HH. This meant that while the measurements of my waist at the time suggested I should wear a size 8, my bust meant that I was a size 16. Looking back, I was a beautiful hourglass, but I always felt bigger than my friends. From ages 14-16 I remember skipping lunch at school, and refusing to eat breakfast, hoping that I could lose weight by only eating the one meal that Mum made at dinner time.

It worked somewhat, but at 16, with prom fast approaching, I started experiencing what I now recognise to be the first signs of anxiety. If I ever got particularly nervous or excited, I would feel nauseous and sometimes have to rush to the toilet to vomit. It was then that I started to experiment with purging. I was determined to lose weight, and mum wouldn’t let me live on those god awful SlimFast shakes. That was, until my Grandma heard me purging. My family finally accepted that I wanted to do this, and agreed. What I didn’t realise was how unhealthy this would make me. Recovering from Meningitis and on regular Codeine, I was feeling faint and lightheaded more than often. After all, I wasn’t eating proper meals. Not only this, but I have a (now very mild) intolerance to lactose, and also prone to tonsillitis, so I was living with an almost constant throat infection from the level of milk I was ingesting.

Fast forward to college, I was feeling a little more sure of myself and who I was. That was when things started escalating the other way. I remember eating my emotions each time a boy cheated on me, stress eating my way through all my exams/revision phases. I remember the look of shame and pity on my grandmas face when she caught me elbow deep in a bag of Doritios. “Ill lose weight when I’ve finished my exams”. Of course, there was always another exam. At least then, I was moderately active and had horse riding to look forward to.

This went on right into uni. On top of that I was going out clubbing and drinking at least 3-6 nights a week. I was awful in my first year, and really abused my body. My only exercise was making a fool of myself in clubs. I’d fill my body with crap and liquor. In second year it only got worse, when I had my first more “serious” wave of depression. Not only was I depressed, but in hindsight I was also agoraphobic. I hated myself so deeply I didn’t want others to see me. At one point this got so bad that I would hide in my room until I was sure my flatmates had gone to bed, and order takeaway food just so that I wouldn’t risk seeing anyone in the kitchen. I felt like I was eating to survive at this point, and my body didn’t matter. In final year I was better, refreshed and feeling right again. I signed up for Joe Wicks (the body coach) and lost 20lbs in a month, following a strict macro diet plan and HIIT exercise. Then, however, I met my now husband (who unfortunately is American with a lot of bad eating habits of his own, but rudely with the metabolism of Usain Bolt), and then was faced by my dissertation.


Present

Now, I find myself having put all that weight back on, plus a stone for good luck- I am bigger than I have ever been.

While I have always been an advocate for plus women and body positivity, I have struggled so hard with accepting my new reality. People treat me differently, I feel less likely to get jobs, afraid to do things where I’d “take up too much space”. I either obsess over or avoid mirrors at all costs, I never buy new clothes because I feel like everything looks awful, I can feel agoraphobia seeping in again, I feel like everyone is judging me, my family is ashamed of me and I haven’t felt “sexy” in about a year. I’ve always wanted a breast reduction because of my back pain, but they advise you not to get one until you’re “happy” with your weight, since if you gain or loose too much either way the shape will change. When I dream, I don’t appear the way I do in real life. I don’t even recognise who I am in the mirror, and honestly, I really don’t think I want to.

On top of the shallow reasons I have always wanted to lose weight, I am also now consumed with new symptoms and concerns about my health. I know if I don’t change my life soon I am going to eat myself to death. I’ve always had back pain due to the size of my bust, but now I can’t even stand for long enough to do the dishes without sitting down to avoid tears. I hadn’t realised how bad it had gotten until last year for our mini-honeymoon, merely walking around London I found myself clinging onto A’s arm with tears in my eyes because my back pain was so severe. Not only this, my resting heart rate is insanely high, I’m constantly fatigued and I’m beginning to see more and more symptoms of pre-diabetes, and it is making me insanely paranoid.

Honestly, I want to lose weight so that I can do the things I enjoy again. So I can feel confident in myself and wear the clothes I long to wear. So I can feel sexy and healthy and enjoy being active and going on adventures with my husband. I want to feel like myself again.


Future

My plans for the future are to take effect immediately. No more “I’ll start Monday”, or I’ll try harder next week. I need to make this commitment to myself and to the people who love me so that I don’t eat myself into an early grave. I miss doing the sports I loved so much but 4 years ago. I miss waking up and not worrying about being in pain every day. The worst part is, I know about nutrition and exercise, I just don’t do it, and while my mental health often causes my lack of desire, it’s often also the other way around. I need to force myself through the pain and the hard times to reach the size 10 jeans at the end of the tunnel.

I thought I would write this to let you all know, since you might be noticing some changes with my Instagram and other social media feeds. Of course I will still be doing beauty, but I’d love to start sharing my journey with you all, because I feel like through blogging I’ve found a space on the internet full of loving, supportive souls. Besides, there might even be a few recipes in it for you!

 

Love,

Frankii xx

 

 

 

 

I know this post was a little long and a little personal, but hopefully now I’ve worked through my emotional turmoil (lol I’m so dramatic) I’ll be back to regular posting. My next installation of discounted beauty is coming soon!! Xx

Toxic Friendships Series | Cleaning Up Your ‘Squad’: Pt. IV


Regular readers, since in both my anxiety tips, and my graduate mental health posts, I touched on the importance of cutting ties with toxic individuals, I thought it only fair to share with you my own experiences, and some of the sorts of behaviours you should look out for and try to avoid when trying to lead a positive life. I created this series both as a form of therapy and a means of warning/advising others who may feel like they are in the same boat. I’m making this a series, as it was a little long to include several types of toxic friend in one post. I aim to post at 11am GMT each week until the series is done.

Ps. Please don’t be afraid to walk away if someone is damaging your energy. It does not make you a bad person to walk away from someone who is toxic. You deserve happiness! x


The One(s) I Hoped I’d Never Have To Write

For me, though I can be hard to get to know initially, my morals are such that after I’ve been with/through a certain amount of things with a person, I will generally love them almost as an extension of my family. This is something that never fully goes away. These are the most painful friendship breakups of all. The ones where you’ve grown together, but sometimes they start to grow in a direction you don’t like. The ones where the person in your memories doesn’t coincide with the person stood before you today. The ones whose energy has changed and become suffocating or poisonous to your own.

For me, and i’m sure for many of you out there, you may find yourselves holding on to the people in memories, even though they don’t exist anymore. You may try to turn a blind eye to the negative traits they’ve picked up, hoping and wishing for it to just be a phase. The fact is, that life changes us. Sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes they grow into people who- when you really make yourself face the music, you don’t recognise… or even like anymore. This whole series was inspired by a recent experience. If the person(s) concerned are reading this (which I doubt as the lack of support has been going on for much longer than I realised), know that I’m sorry.

This is to be my final post in the series, with a view to opening it up again later on if anyone has any ideas or requests on toxic friends I’ve missed. This one was particularly hard for me to write hence I saved it till last. I hope you all can build the courage to end friendships that are/become toxic no matter how long you have been friends, because ultimately holding on to people that don’t love and support you in a genuine, healthy way will only damage you, and impact your life negatively. It’s ok to let people go if their energy isn’t right for you.

 

Dear Ex-Friend,

Life changed us, stretched our relationship over distances that meant we grew apart. We saw each other less and less, and each time I would see you I would notice differences. Some subtle, the shifts in your energy… less so. Before long the person sat before me was someone I didn’t feel that I knew. The person I knew and loved was too crazy and fun-loving to even notice things that this new person would say out of jealousy or spite. We used to be like siblings, but we changed.

I grew drained as each time we met a new person would become the subject of your anger. I tried to love you through it, sometimes smiling through discomfort and worst of all joining in, really wanting to believe that these people deserved the words you were saying. Hoping that you’d only talk about people this way if they’d severely wronged you,  but before long I couldn’t miss the pangs of envy that tainted your conversations. The people you spoke of all had something that you wished you had, and though the picture of victimisation was one I wanted to believe, the green began to seep through the cracks.

Before long I couldn’t help but wonder what you’d be saying about me behind my back. As I distanced myself, I felt the hostility growing inside you. Instead of looking inwards to consider why someone wouldn’t want to be friends with you, you lashed out. Not to mention, as it turns out, I was right to wonder.

I cannot fathom what could have happened in a persons life, to turn someone I loved for their carefree attitude and mutual aversion to b*tching about others into someone who could be so nasty. I supported you through everything I could, and ignored new warning signs as long as I possibly could have. But even as I felt resigned to distance myself from the friendship, nothing could have prepared me for the betrayal I felt when I heard that I’d become the topic of dinner conversation.

When I started blogging, I knew I would be judged for it. That’s one of the reasons I made sure to really cut down my Facebook down to people that I know (or thought I knew) loved me. To be ridiculed for doing something innocent and productive with my spare time, to say things like “who cares what she has to say?” was bad enough. But to screenshot a selfie and to tear apart my actual physical appearance, my marriage, my existence… To be that spiteful towards someone you shared years of memories with- was unforgivable.

To you, dear “friend”, I honestly hope that some day you can fill the void or the chip on your shoulder and realise that the world isn’t out to get you. Treating the people who love you awfully isn’t going to wind up benefitting your life, it will only push people away till you wind up alone. I never thought I would have to say goodbye to you, and part of me hopes that in a few years time this will have all just been a phase. I truly hope you can recover the person you were, because I know that deep down this toxic person isn’t you. But until then, for my own sanity, I think I’ll have to put this one to rest.

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I believe that soul-mates are not always romantic partners, or “the one”, or even necessarily friends made to last; but they may also be people you meet at a time in your life when you need each other for one reason or another. As they say, some friends come for a lifetime, and others just a season, but to me that’s no reason to say that you can’t cherish the memories you made together. Ultimately, you hold the pen to your novel. When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to fit in. When I met you, for what ever reason, I did. As we grew, our views on love, friendship and trust began to grow and change- and us with them. If you’re reading this, and you find I’ve left you behind, know that it was never easy for me. For me, when I love someone, I love them loyally and wholeheartedly. No matter what you’ve done, or how time has gnarled us, know that I wish you the best.

Love From,

Frankii x


**DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one in particular, but there may be elements applicable to several people whom, for one reason or another, are no longer a part of my journey.**

Toxic Friendships Series | Cleaning Up Your ‘Squad’: Pt. III


Regular readers, since in both my anxiety tips, and my graduate mental health posts, I touched on the importance of cutting ties with toxic individuals, I thought it only fair to share with you my own experiences, and some of the sorts of behaviours you should look out for and try to avoid when trying to lead a positive life. I created this series both as a form of therapy and a means of warning/advising others who may feel like they are in the same boat. I’m making this a series, as it was a little long to include several types of toxic friend in one post. I aim to post at 11am GMT each week until the series is done.

Ps. Please don’t be afraid to walk away if someone is damaging your energy. It does not make you a bad person to walk away from someone who is toxic. You deserve happiness! x


The Fake

The fake, otherwise known as the user, similar to the narcissist but not as malicious or draining, these are the friends that are only there when the sun is shining. The friends that appear when they need you and expect you to bend over backwards to support them but with reluctant or no reciprocation. You will find that they have no interest in really getting to know you, or supporting you and your goals- this is realistically because to them you are just a means to an end, someone to fill an empty slot in their schedule. If your plans don’t revolve around them, or their idea of fun, they will be disinterested and suddenly come up busy. You are their booty-call buddy, a convenient way to pass the time (yet they have are quick to guilt trip you for cancelling on them). They will constantly and consistently bring up other “friends” in conversation, and talk negatively about them, assuming you are too stupid to realise they do the same to you when your back is turned. Common phrases include “Oh my god, have you seen how fat she’s gotten?” and when intimidated by people doing better than they are (my personal favourite): “look how much she loves herself!”

Dear Fake

I don’t have much to say to you, because you were unable to hold my attention for long. You thought you were the next Regina George, but you turned out to be just another entitled loser. I feel sorry for you that you’ve become so insecure and bitter that you feel threatened by other peoples happiness and success. I feel sorry for you because you will never know true friendship while you continue to step on the people that love you to build yourself and fill the voids in your ego. Pulling up screenshots of people in group conversations to comment on their appearance, talking about peoples fluctuations in weight as though the number on the scale defines your value as a human being on this earth. You never learned that real Queens fix one another’s crowns and build each other- and i pity you as you’ve never felt the incredible empowerment that comes from mutual love and genuine support. The real tea is, you aren’t confident enough, funny enough, or witty enough to make Regina George work. Most of all, you are not clever enough. People will always spot you, whether it takes a week or a month, and grow tired of your lack of loyalty.

I’m always reluctant to discuss other women negatively unless I trust you implicitly and they have previously done me severe wrong. Even then, I tend not to think about them. One of my favourite quotes is:

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of harming another; you end up getting burned”.

Realistically, the only person you are harming by holding on to bitterness and resentment is yourself. That crap will bubble and spread inside of you like a toxin, and soon you will find yourself having poisonous thoughts. My hope for you, “friend” that one day you learn to let go of your insecurities, to stop lashing out when you feel threatened or envious, and ultimately, to love and be loved in return.

 


 

Dear Ex-Friend,

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I believe that soul-mates are not always romantic partners, or “the one”, or even necessarily friends made to last; but they may also be people you meet at a time in your life when you need each other for one reason or another. As they say, some friends come for a lifetime, and others just a season, but to me that’s no reason to say that you can’t cherish the memories you made together. When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to fit in. When I met you, for what ever reason, I did. As we grew, our views on love, friendship and trust began to grow and change- and us with them. If you’re reading this, and you find I’ve left you behind, know that it was never easy for me. For me, when I love someone, I love them loyally and wholeheartedly. No matter what you’ve done, or how time has gnarled us, know that I wish you the best.

Love From,

Frankii x


**DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one in particular, but there may be elements applicable to several people whom, for one reason or another, are no longer a part of my journey.**

The Harry Potter Tag

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As anyone even remotely close to me probably already knows, I am a HUGE Potter fan. I have a themed tattoo on my ass, and my husband and I even went to the Harry Potter Studios in London for our “mini-moon”. Shout out to the gorgeous Britt from over at Alternatively Speaking for nominating me for this tag!!

\o-o/

As I understand it, while there are a number of Harry Potter tags floating around the internet, this one was created by a girly called Cassie at Zombie Goddess Beauty. (You can read her answers here)! She said:

“As it is Harry Potter’s 37th Birthday today. And this year marks the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone book’s release!

So today I’ve collected 18 questions that are floating around the internet. There are other HP tags floating around but I wanted to collect a bunch of the questions together.”

The idea is that you answer this list of Harry Potter themed questions, and then tag some of your fellow Harry Potter lovers! Make sure you provide them with the list of questions you were given so that they too can answer them and pass on the tag!!!

 

 

MY ANSWERS:

What house are you in?

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I’m a true Gryffindor. No matter which test I take I’m always sorted into Gryffindor. The house of courage, bravery and determination, perhaps maybe that means I need to shut my mouth once in a while!

What is your patronus?

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I was so excited to do this test again. On an old email account I actually got a Tigress, but this time I got a wolf. I was super pleased with this, as I’ve always felt a strange spiritual connection with wolves (hence my header). I’m sad that J.K hasn’t decided to giv us an explanation of our patronuses yet, so I decided to check out Patronus Analysis like Britt did, and here is what it had to say:

“The wolf is a bit of a darker and mysterious soul, with the strength of a fighter. A person with this patronus has had a lot happen in their life, and do to that they wear a mask over their emotions. They do, however, have a very big heart that is full of both passion and fire. They have a lot of emotion within them that they are willing to give, but only once they completely trust you, and since they have been made cynical over the years this can be difficult. The most common house for a wolf patronus is Gryffindor, the most common signs are Taurus and Sagittarius”

Besides my star sign (For the record I am a Capricorn), this rang incredibly true with me. I love it!

What is your wand?

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According to Pottermore: Hornbeam wood, Unicorn hair core, 13 ¾” in length, Slightly Springy flexibility.

J.K- About the Wood:

“My own wand is made of hornbeam, and so it is with all due modesty that I state that hornbeam selects for its life mate the talented witch or wizard with a single, pure passion, which some might call obsession (though I prefer the term ‘vision’), which will almost always be realised. Hornbeam wands adapt more quickly than almost any other to their owner’s style of magic, and will become so personalised, so quickly, that other people will find them extremely difficult to use even for the most simple of spells. Hornbeam wands likewise absorb their owner’s code of honour, whatever that might be, and will refuse to perform acts – whether for good or ill – that do not tally with their master’s principles. A particularly fine-tuned and sentient wand.

About the Core:

“As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.”

About the length:

(lol). I guess because I’m taller than average my wand is longer than average.

About the flexibility:

According to Olivander: “Wand flexibility or rigidity denotes the degree of adaptability and willingness to change possessed by the wand-and-owner pair – although, again, this factor ought not to be considered separately from the wand wood, core and length, nor of the owner’s life experience and style of magic, all of which will combine to make the wand in question unique.”

guess, “slightly springy” would hint towards me being open minded- which I am!

What would your boggart be?

This is a tough one…  I really dislike snakes. I wouldn’t want to share a vicinity with one, but I wouldn’t say i’m deathly afraid either. After deliberating for a long while, I realised my biggest fear is probably rejection/dying alone. I think my boggart would probably take the form of Divorce papers.

What position would you play in Quidditch?

I used to love the idea of being a seeker, but I think I’m too competitive and would want to be in the thick of the action- so probably a chaser.

Would you be a pure blood, half blood or muggle born?

According to the theory circling the internet:

Muggles: People who haven’t seen the movies or read the books

Muggle-borns: People who have only seen the movies

Half-bloods: People who have only read the books

Pure Bloods: People who have read the books and seen the movies

Deatheaters: Pure Bloods that look down on Muggle-borns

This would probably make me a death eater! But since I’ve no relationship with my biological father, I like to think I’d be a half-blood.

What job would you want after to have after graduating Hogwarts?

Hmm… I’d love to start a skincare/beauty line one day irl. Perhaps I would experiment with some potions. Taking anti-aging cream to a whole new level! Lipgloss laced with love potion anyone?

Which of the deathly hallows would you choose?

A true introvert, of course I’d pick the invisibility cloak. Imagine the places you could sneak in with that bad boy?? Harry was so unimaginative with it! 😉

Favourite book?

The Goblet of Fire. It was so magical to me!

Least favourite book?

The Order of the Phoenix

Favourite film?

My favourite film is actually probably the first one, because it’s lighter and It’s the one I will throw on time and time again when I’m feeling down. But a close second for me is The Half-Blood Prince. I love Luna’s character and Slughorn’s party. I also think it ties the others together amazingly.

Least favourite film?

Oh god, actually *unpopular opinion* The Prisoner of Azkaban. Not because it’s bad, it’s cinematically gorgeous. I feel like it’s just quite dark and emotional- It’s one that I have to weirdly prepare myself for.

Favourite character?

There’s so many to choose from! Probably Hermione because she taught me that women could be intelligent, whilst also warriors who know how to save themselves. I looked up to her immensely as a child so I will always have a very special place for her in my heart.  But I also love McGonagall in all her sassy glory, Molly who reminds me very much of my own mother. However, I also secretly love Bellatrix. I’m a die hard Helena Bonham-Carter fan and I love her portrayal of Bellatrix.

Least favourite/most hated character?

Dolores. Freaking. Umbridge. Do you know what though, film Ginny sucked too. I hated how they sucked all the sass out of her and portrayed her as this lame simpering little virgin. In the books she was fierce, feisty and popular. I don’t know if it was the casting choice or the acting, but I feel like I have to stop myself rolling my eyes every time she’s on screen. Sorry not sorry. 

Favourite teacher at Hogwarts?

As I just mentioned, I adore McGonagall’s character. She’s fierce, sassy and also fiercely caring. It shows in her arguments with Umbridge and her kindness towards Trelawney when she’s facing job loss. Also, her fight with Snape is honestly one of the most moving scenes to me as you can really feel the pain she feels. She wants to defend the kids but also is mourning the loss of Dumbledore. Maggie Smith gave it perfect life too.

Least favourite teacher at Hogwarts?

Who doesn’t hate Umbridge? But to be honest I found Lockheart deplorably irritating too.

Do you have any unpopular opinions about the series?

Not unpopular, but why wasn’t Peeves in the films more!? But, yes. I have a few…

My first one, although I adore Alan Rickman and his portrayal (I once dreamt I met him and cried because it wasn’t real, and he was the first celebrity death I really shed a tear for) but I have issues with Snape as a character. I understand the power behind “Always”, but his love (or actually even creepy obsession) for Lily does not excuse the fact he bullied kids like Neville to the point that he became his actual boggart.

As I’ve already mentioned, I think film Ginny was a bad casting choice with bad writing.

The last one I can think of is that I loved Draco’s character. I thought they gave it a really good depth, it wasn’t black and white like a lot of the others, but he really was ‘grey’. I felt like he was very much a victim of circumstance, like an innocent child born into the KKK. For this I also 110% recommend going to watch The Cursed Child too. I. LOVED. IT.

If you could save one character from the finale battle who would you save?

Ugh, I know it was to prove a point or whatever, but Fred’s death really cut me up. If not, it would be Tonks so that Teddy would have a mother- however, I know that life would be very hard on her without Remus. They were soul mates and I’d hate to see her have to live without him.

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I really hope you’ve enjoyed reading my answers! For this tag I would like the lovely:

  1. Amy @ kissesfromamy
  2. Kate @ girlmasked
  3. Kerry @ stepintime
  4. Becca @ becxblogs
  5. Lisa @ lisabritton
  6. Sophie @ trafotoz
  7. Emily @ thatweirdgirllife
  8. Hannah @ hannahdarley
  9. Geek of All @ geekofall
  10. Sassy Wyatt @ thinkingoutloud

 

 


 

 

 

THE QUESTIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

  1. What house are you in?
  2. What is your patronus?
  3. What is your wand?
  4. What would your boggart be?
  5. What position would you play in Quidditch?
  6. Would you be a pure blood, half blood or muggle born?
  7. What job would you want after to have after graduating Hogwarts?
  8. Which of the deathly hallows would you choose?
  9. Favourite book?
  10. Least favourite book?
  11. Favourite film?
  12. Least favourite film?
  13. Favourite character?
  14. Least favourite/most hated character?
  15. Favourite teacher at Hogwarts?
  16. Least favorite teacher at Hogwarts?
  17. Do you have any unpopular opinions about the series?
  18. If you could save one character from the finale battle who would you save?

 


 

I really hope you enjoyed reading my answers! With my constant hair dye I like to think of myself as the Gryffindor version of Tonks! I can’t wait to read everyone else’s answers please remember to tag me in them so I can read them when you’re done!!
Francesca x

 

Toxic Friendships Series | Cleaning Up Your ‘Squad’: Pt. II


Regular readers, since in both my anxiety tips, and my graduate mental health posts, I touched on the importance of cutting ties with toxic individuals, I thought it only fair to share with you my own experiences, and some of the sorts of behaviours you should look out for and try to avoid when trying to lead a positive life. I created this series both as a form of therapy and a means of warning/advising others who may feel like they are in the same boat. I’m making this a series, as it was a little long to include several types of toxic friend in one post. I aim to post at 11am GMT each week until the series is done.

Ps. Please don’t be afraid to walk away if someone is damaging your energy. It does not make you a bad person to walk away from someone who is toxic. You deserve happiness! x


The Limpet

A “Limpet”, based on a crustacean that lives clinging tightly to rocks, this is my term for those insecure clingy friends. These are the friends who will bombard your phone/social media when they don’t hear from you for a while; send you on guilt trips every time you can’t hang out or need space; chastise you for having other friends, and require constant and consistent reassurance.

Dear Limpet, 

I’m sorry that life has been so unkind that you’ve ended up insecure. I’m sorry that you asked me if you were annoying so many times that it got annoying. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be happy for you when you entered new relationships, because I knew how your insecure attachment style made you think everyone who smiled at you was ‘the one’.

I loved you for your sweetness and your unyeilding loyalty, but soon I felt that you were becoming less and less yourself. First I felt you adopting my hobbies and interests, though never having experienced them before. Then I felt you adopting my mannerisms and opinions- never one to disagree or challenge what I had to say. I wanted to know you, and I thrive on intellectual discussions. I silently willed you to disagree with me even once, but it never came. I wanted to know you and grow with you, but I soon realised it is hard to be friends with a reflection.

The truth is, as a true introvert, we were never a friendship built to last. I need my own space, I crave it for energy. To me, my own company is like a cool breeze on a stifling summers day. To you, with a predisposed fear of abandonment saw this as a slight. Friend, though you were kind and constant, I could not sustain the amount of emotional energy your friendship required me to give. I found myself needing more and more time alone, time with friends who knew themselves well enough to trust that I would always return after a day or so to myself.

I hope that one day you find yourself and grow. I hope that you find opinions and interests that are authentic and your own. I hope that you stop trying to be everyone except yourself, because until then you will always feel insecure and unaccepted- since the person you are presenting isn’t the real you trapped inside anyway. I hope that one day you understand that I didn’t “abandon” you or “cut you off”. I hope that you can learn to put your insecurities aside in order to walk in my shoes and not feel betrayed by my absence. Perhaps one day when you know yourself we will meet again- and I won’t feel harassed or pressured every time I see your name pop up on my phone. x

 


Dear Ex-Friend,

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I believe that soul-mates are not always romantic partners, or “the one”, or even necessarily friends made to last; but they may also be people you meet at a time in your life when you need each other for one reason or another. As they say, some friends come for a lifetime, and others just a season, but to me that’s no reason to say that you can’t cherish the memories you made together. When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to fit in. When I met you, for what ever reason, I did. As we grew, our views on love, friendship and trust began to grow and change- and us with them. If you’re reading this, and you find I’ve left you behind, know that it was never easy for me. For me, when I love someone, I love them loyally and wholeheartedly. No matter what you’ve done, or how time has gnarled us, know that I wish you the best.

Love From,

Frankii x

 


**DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one in particular, but there may be elements applicable to several people whom, for one reason or another, are no longer a part of my journey.**

Toxic Friendships Series | Cleaning Up Your ‘Squad’: Pt. I


Regular readers, since in both my anxiety tips, and my graduate mental health posts, I touched on the importance of cutting ties with toxic individuals, I thought it only fair to share with you my own experiences, and some of the sorts of behaviours you should look out for and try to avoid when trying to lead a positive life. I created this series both as a form of therapy and a means of warning/advising others who may feel like they are in the same boat. I’m making this a series, as it was a little long to include several types of toxic friend in one post. I aim to post at 11am GMT each week until the series is done.

Ps. Please don’t be afraid to walk away if someone is damaging your energy. It does not make you a bad person to walk away from someone who is toxic. You deserve happiness! x


The Narcissist

Deceptively charming, these are the friends who genuinely lack the ability to care for anyone except themselves. You may think I’m being dramatic, in which case I’d suggest that you are just lucky enough to have never met a true narc. There is a difference between self love/confidence and narcissism. A narcissist will only “care” about you when you have something they want or need. If you cannot be used to inflate their ego in some way, you are an irrelevant afterthought. The issue with a narc is that they are some of the best actors out there. They will make you feel like your bond is unbreakable, but they are ruthless and remorseless. Their ego will always outweigh any affection they have for you. They are the eternal martyr, always wronged but never wrong, they make you feel special by saying awful things about everyone in their lives “except you”, all the while listening to and saving your weaknesses for later. Your harmony lasts until you stand up to them, or in their way.

Dear Narcissist,

I remember you most for the summer that I needed to laugh. Boy, did we laugh. I was your go to for fun, nothing serious, and in part, I knew that. I didn’t reject it because I needed it too. I could never have trusted you, because I’d seen the way you abused the trust of others. But we had fun. I knew then you could never really love me, because you were too consumed with yourself. You post pictures where everyone looked awful, spare you, then let your conceit grow into thinking you were always the best looking in the room. You had an excuse for every bad thing you’d ever done, and acted as though the world was against you when you felt the consequences of the negative energy you’d fed into the world.

Even though you knew I was bruised from being cheated on numerous times, you insisted on tarnishing my belief in humans even further, and I found myself lying to partners for you out of love. Innocent people who loved you. People you would later claim were ‘crazy’, or terrible when they stood up for themselves or realised they were worth more. I found myself saying words I promised myself I would never say. I hate to lie, but I did for you. “No, she’s not cheating on you! She would never!“, “No! Of course he hasn’t been flirting with me, or telling me he wished you were ‘more like me”! That would be awful!” I coached you through your grief when your best friend died. I stayed up to talk to you every night you were struggling, while you told your [ex]-girlfriend was some crazy stalker. The same way you talked about her, even when you shared her bed.

I accepted all your flaws, and told family who hated you that they misunderstood you, because we had too much fun. Because you made me feel special. Before long, I realised that all conversation between us had one common ground- you. I became tired of treading on egg-shells, and for being berated for standing up for myself or giving you advice. I became tired of listening to you talk about the things you had been bought by lovers, and family you admitted to caring little for. Tired of you belittling my relationships based on the material value of yours compared to mine. Carefully and subtly reminding me that I was less. I only realised what you were because suddenly when the sun wasn’t shining you weren’t there. When I needed you most, you were absent, because you couldn’t feed from my energy.

But then I realised. I didn’t need you. I never did. I found myself, and did it when I was far away from you. I realised I was not less. I am beautiful. My soul will always be a breath of fresh air compared to your toxic radiation cloud. My relationships, though few, are healthy and whole- and that makes me the richest woman in the world. My friend, I met you in the summer and we had a blast, but when the winter came you were nowhere to be seen. I hope one day you become as wealthy as I am.

Dear Ex-Friend,

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I believe that soul-mates are not always romantic partners, or “the one”, or even necessarily friends made to last; but they may also be people you meet at a time in your life when you need each other for one reason or another. As they say, some friends come for a lifetime, and others just a season, but to me that’s no reason to say that you can’t cherish the memories you made together. When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to fit in. When I met you, for what ever reason, I did. As we grew, our views on love, friendship and trust began to grow and change- and us with them. If you’re reading this, and you find I’ve left you behind, know that it was never easy for me. For me, when I love someone, I love them loyally and wholeheartedly. No matter what you’ve done, or how time has gnarled us, know that I wish you the best.

Love From,

Frankii x

 


 

**DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one in particular, but there may be elements applicable to several people whom, for one reason or another, are no longer a part of my journey.**

Lets talk about marrying young…

If you’d have told me when I was 18 that I would be married in my early 20’s, I would have laughed in your face. After two abusive relationships and several bad breakups, I swore off dating seriously for the longest time. For me, at that point, I wasn’t ready to commit myself to anyone who would be anything less than Mr. Darcy himself. (lol!)
Eventually, I became the perpetually single friend, and actually- I came to terms with the idea that perhaps “true love” wasn’t on the cards for me. At the end of the day, it was never my ultimate goal in life. I have always been strong, independent and ambitious. From what I had seen from members of my generation, I wasn’t even sure a man could fit into that sphere, especially not one that was supportive, stable and not deterred by my intelligence and drive. The men I had dated casually had always told me how they loved that I was fierce and strong, and how they’d always dreamed of having a strong woman- but when it boiled down to it my success and independence made each and every single one feel insecure- and they would wind up with someone less driven. Honestly, I was ok with that. As I mentioned before, I wasn’t about to commit myself to someone who couldn’t at least support me and my big dreams. 
The fact is, I don’t need a man, and in my opinion, nor should anyone. I think if it gets to the stage where you become obsessed with having someone in your life, you need to do the exact opposite, and take some time to fall in love with yourself and access the void you’re trying to fill in your own life. 
>>>You should not rely on anyone else to fill in the holes in your own life and soul!<<<
Once at university during a drinking game, the group was asked to point to the person most likely to get divorced, and all but one pointed at me. The friend who I was closest to, who actually knew and understood me stood up and said how stupid that was, because he knew I would be the last to settle for anything less than a soulmate. He knew I would never marry someone who didn’t adore and support me, and vice versa. On another occasion, I was actually quite hurt by someone who told me they couldn’t imagine me being a mother. It was only on deeper reflection, I took it as a compliment, as it meant that it was apparent to others that there was more to me than just the immediate desire to breed. When I was feeling a bit down one day, I came across this article. This was something that stayed with me for a very long time, as it reiterated many points that I had always believed in.

In the 1950s, women were primarily housewives and getting married was typically the end goal. Back then, being a wife is what defined a woman, so I can understand why finding your special someone was considered an accomplishment. This is no longer the case, though. In today’s society, ladies are balancing much more than just finding a man.

Since getting married myself, especially considering I was only 21 at the time, people have assumed that my views have changed. I frequently get asked if I am pregnant, or when I plan to be, as though that is the only logical option for a married woman- As though I have already achieved my ‘end goal’. 
Although marriage/engagement/childbirth are happy times to be sure, anyone can get married to anyone, and that doesn’t mean to say it will last. Anyone with a working set of reproductive organs can get pregnant. Literal animals do that every day. The whole institution should be celebrated 100%, but what I’m saying is, no one would go up to my husband and start a conversation by asking about what he’s done/is planning to do with his genitals.
Before I go any further, I just want to make that point perfectly clear. If that’s all you want from your life, then great!! It’s exciting and its tough! Please please please don’t think I’m trying to undermine or devalue what it is to be a parent. My feminism is broad and all-encompassing enough to accept and applaud you for that. I know that when I have children, I too will probably want to stay home because I hate the thought of anyone else looking after my future cubs. But for me personally, I want to have achieved in my own life so that I can inspire and teach my offspring to achieve. It’s just that I see so many young girls who get pregnant at 16 and suddenly think they are the Virgin Mary because they brought life into the world- and that’s what I am aiming to combat with this post. I want to open up a dialogue where women from all walks of life are celebrated, but it should never be assumed that basic biology is the “ultimate achievement” for women, because we are so much more than that. It is no longer the 1950’s, and women have fought tirelessly all throughout their lives to create a world in which we have much more equal opportunity. Life is short, but it can be so rich if you work hard and just give it a chance. So why then, are people still more interested in the fact that I am married, than my academic/career/other achievements or goals? When I meet women, if they have babies then great. If they’re pregnant then great- congratulations! But I’m not going to degrade them by talking about parenthood as though It’s the only interesting thing about her. A mum has interests, hobbies, opinions and things that make her who she is outside of the realm of babies- and without that I think she’d go insane! 
The main reason I am even writing this blog is to forward it to people every. time. I get asked when I’m going to get pregnant. For the record, I do want children. I want 3. I love the idea of being 80, hosing dinner parties and BBQ’s and sitting outside in the sunshine surrounded by my kids and their kids and so forth. I think about it often, and can’t wait to become a mother because it is exciting. But even when I give birth myself, until I’ve raised a good human being I won’t classify basic biology as an achievement. I know that I wouldn’t be half the person I am today had I not had a mother who had experienced the world, achieved things of her own and had thousands of stories to tell me, wisdom gained outside the realm of relationships and childbirth. 
The real tea is, my sister is 10 years my Junior, so I have already seen/done enough ‘parenting’ to know the reality. Children are not just a cute hobby that you take on for a couple of years while they are cute and still cuddly. They are not a vessel to save a failing relationship. They are a 20+ year commitment of blood, sweat and tears and wanting to kill the rude spotty teenager you once held in your arms. It means stopping in your tracks and turning your whole life upside down in order to raise a (hopefully!) decent human being. Again, if your children get to 18 and they are healthy, kind, respectful individuals I do think that is an achievement, but finding love and getting pregnant is not. For me, to do this, I will need to have seen enough of the world to know myself, to have achieved enough on my own and to have enjoyed life, travelled and fallen even deeper in love with my life partner to even consider children. Some women aren’t that way, they are different and motherhood is their ultimate dream. That’s ok too! But don’t assume that parenthood is all there is to life for a woman, and don’t assume that a childless woman’s life is empty or less than your own. I hate it when people say to great women who have worked hard and achieved, CEO’s, Dr’s, PhD graduates, charity workers and politicians- “but when are you going to have babies?”, as though their lives are nothing without them, and that is the only thing a woman has to look forward to. 
Aside from the worlds obsession with pregnancy, I’ve lost a lot of friends through getting married. Oddly, the fact that I live with someone I love seems to have changed my relationships with many people. When I lived with 5 others at university, no one assumed I had become an entirely different person and avoided seeing me, so the fact that that’s happening now is bizarre to me. On the other hand, It’s shown me who my real friends are, because it’s shown that they are willing to grow with me, and just accept that I met my ‘forever friend’ a little bit earlier. No, I don’t really want to go out clubbing with you and doing all the stuff I used to do when I was single, because I just don’t find that appealing anymore. Honestly, I never really did, I was only doing it to be social. Since getting married i’ve realised the importance of actual meaningful conversations and transactions as a pose to that. I think some of my friends found this hard to comprehend. I can’t just tell my husband to f*ck off at the end of a 12 hour night shift because you want to hang out. Moreover, I won’t, because he’s more important than you. He’s not just some boyfriend I can pick up and drop whenever I feel like it, and I guess this offends some people, and if thats the case, then honestly, thats ok.

Another thing I also get is people looking quizzically when I talk about being strongly feminist, then also talking about my husband when I am ‘only’ 22 years old. I am a girl, who never aspired to get married, let alone at 21 years of age (now 22). However, when I met Austin, there was never a moment wherein he did not want to be on my team. He is not my ‘other half’, he is his own whole, and falling in love with him was not hard, stressful or full of nervous excitement. He never left me wondering where I stood, supported and vehemently encouraged all of my achievements. For those still confused, the definition of feminism is: “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes“. In other words, equality for both/all sexes. My husband too, is a feminist. He loves the parts of me that I refused to give up, despite many a moron before him deeming them unattractive.  While circumstances (military) meant we moved faster than I would have ever imagined, I realised it was never marriage that I was afraid of- I already knew he was going to be my teammate for life. I was afraid of the wedding, and the judgement and drama that it always undoubtedly brings. 
31.9.16 // Elopement
The only part of this I have struggled with so far, has been changing my name. Through getting married, for whatever reason I have lost several ‘friends’ who are seemingly intimidated by my circumstance. Also, by struggling in an abysmal graduate job market (Norfolk) that I can’t move away from, and being exceedingly proud of my lineage which could end with me- (my sister is Matthews-Allen), I felt for a short time as though I had left part of me behind. I felt hopeless, and depressed, as though I had “lost” Francesca Matthews. However, I understand now that this is natural, and was accelerated by my other struggles. Since then, this has become something that my incredible feminist husband!!! and I may review in the future, and perhaps we will become a “Matthews-Denney” household. While one day I would love to have a ‘party’, or a ‘vow renewal’ where I walk down an aisle wearing a white dress, for now, we eloped.
Because falling in love with Austin was natural, and right, like coming home in the winter to a fire roaring in the hearth.
On a less intense note, I’ve found myself suddenly interested in thing’s I thought I wouldn’t care about until I was a grandma. Gardening, HOMEWARE etc. I’ve always loved cooking, but cooking for someone who has different tastes in food is a challenge. In all, a lot of my interests have changed, but not the fundamentals of my personality. I’m still Frankii, I’ve just grown a bit, and will continue to grow alongside another person. I hate the term other half, because it infers that I would be a half without him, but i’m excited to build and grow together.

Another thing: You will argue about stupid stuff that you never thought possible to argue about. Dishes, housework, lack of attention. Living with someone is challenging enough, let alone when love/passion is involved. Prepare to have full scale arguments about toothbrushes not been left in the toothbrush cup! However, making up is also one of the best parts. You can argue about trivial stuff because you don’t have to worry that you are going to wind up single for doing so. Its surprisingly empowering!  

So yes, I married young. No, that does not make me anti-feminist. No, I am not pregnant. No, I do not plan to be any time soon. Yes, I have my own goals and life ambitions. No, that does not mean that I don’t love or support my husband, because he is not fragile and insecure enough for his value as a man to feel depleted by my success. In short, let’s stop starting conversations with women, by asking them about their relationships and babies. If I am pregnant (assuming I actually like you?) I will let you know. For now, I’ll be over here arguing over dirty dishes or planning my next holiday! 
As always please feel free to leave a comment, share your opinions, struggles and experiences with me regarding similar or different misogynistic/sexist assumptions, I love hearing from you, and I truly believe in the power of education through discussion and debate! 
Love and Light,
Francesca xx







disclaimer/TLDR: AGAIN If you are a young housewife/stay at home mummy reading this please know I am in no way seeking to undermine you or offend what it is that you do. I have the utmost respect for full time mums and/or women who don’t have the same desires and ambitions I do. It takes a lot of hard work and true grit to run a home/raise good, pleasant children and I know that. I am just talking about my personal experiences, and seeking to educate others not to assume that this is the only/end goal for all women because we are not all the same. When it comes to the time I do have children of my own I will probably not work either as I think I will be one of those mothers who couldn’t bare the idea of anyone else looking after my precious ones. This is why I am so adamant on achieving my own goals beforehand! But, from my past year of being unemployed post-university I found myself depressed and under-stimulated, though I know this is not true of ALL women, and that is OK. But I definitely think not all dialogue with women should begin with discussing these topics, as this would never happen when talking to a man. There is, (and should be) so much more to a woman than just her marriage and childbearing. xxxx

10 Tips to manage your Anxiety!

#1 Close your eyes

When I first feel a bit anxious I like to close my eyes and make myself think of 5 things I’m thankful for that day. What this does for me, is brings awareness to the way I’m feeling, but slows down my thought process and reminds me that it’s probably not the end of the world. Sometimes when my husband is stressed I’ll do this by asking him questions like:
“are you healthy?”
“Are you otherwise happy?”
“Do we have a roof over our heads?”
“Is it going to change our lives as we know it?”.
Normally then, he will slow down and be able to articulate more fully what’s going on.

#2 Pour a hot drink (Not caffeine)! 

I like to sit with a hot chocolate, or a herbal tea. This is because if you’re verging an anxiety attack, caffeine is our enemy. Caffeine will accelerate your heart rate and probably stimulate your senses which are already in overdrive. Take a minute to appreciate the mug warming your fingers, inhale the smell deeply and exhale. You might just feel better already!

#3 Meditate

I know this one is a bit more on the hippy side but trust me, you should try it at least once! You can grab guided meditations on iTunes or Apple Music so easily these days. If not, hit up YouTube. I highly recommend this, not only for spiritual development but for your general health too. I try to set aside at least one time slot a week to really sit cross legged on the floor and become better acquainted with myself.

#4 Go swimming

 

For me there is nothing more spiritually healing than water. Get in the water and really concentrate on the feeling of the smooth water between your fingers, between your toes. Get some endorphins going, and then concentrate on your breathing. The way I see it is – if you keep breathing calmly and deeply, you can never really sink. 

#5 Channel your energy into something positive

This blog post was actually inspired by myself having a slightly wobbly day. I was feeling anxious and irritable and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kill my cat, who was yowling incessantly at the door despite having only just come in. Instead, I took a breather and did a few of the aforementioned coping mechanisms, then decided to share them with you! If you’re creative too, now is the time to write, paint, make. Throw yourself into a different world and really harness that energy. Once you’ve completed a project you will be able to stand back and appreciate your anxiety as a motivator. It doesn’t have to be a hinderance all the time!

#6 Pets

Whether you are a dog person, a cat person, a horse person, or even one of those freaks who likes snakes! (lol), I guarantee if there’s one being on earth who can make you feel better on the brink of an anxiety attack its your pet. Or your friends pet. Your family pet. Whatever. Whatever is going on in your life at the time, that being will look into your eyes with TRUE unconditional love and admiration- that is, unless of course you’re a cat/snake kind of person. (I KID!) But honestly, you are that little beings whole life, it’s family, it’s friend, it’s snuggle partner. Talk to them, stroke them, play with them. They understand so much more than you know!

#7 LIPSTICK.

I cannot stress enough the power of a boss lipstick. Got an interview? Boss lipstick. Got a date? Boss lipstick. Feeling insecure? Boss lipstick. I have two types of boss lipstick, I have a red for that classic Hollywood vibe that can turn me from “don’t look at me” to “don’t you know who I am?” I also have a dark which says “don’t mess with me today girl I will own you”. If I feel good on the outside, my confidence will almost always eliminate or at least neutralise any feelings of impending doom or self doubt. Have a selfie photo shoot. Remember you’re a god/goddess. Try it. Promise.

#8 Pamper yourself

On a similar note, take a moment to run a hot bath, pop a face mask on and cover your whole body in moisturiser. Burn candles, use the expensive bath bombs you’ve been saving for a rainy day. LOVE yourself. Really go to town and have an “I deserve this” day. Because chances are, if you’re reading this post- you do. It’s ok to have some down time and to really make time in your day to make sure you feel on top of your game when you wake up the next day. Skin care is my favourite because the next day when I’m glowing I like to think that I brought my inner glow outwards!

#9 Reach out

If you are feeling anxious it is always useful to talk out loud, it helps you to really slow down and find a solution, or at the very least comfort or peace. Sometimes bad things happen, and that sucks, but you should always surround yourself with a support system that’s genuine and that loves you. For me it is my husband and my close family. My grandma and my mum are my best gal pals in the whole world- which is something I’ve definitely realised since I entered my twenties and left my teenage self behind. It’s an unconditional friendship with someone who will always offer you honest advice. In my case I have a northern family who don’t sugar coat things, and sometimes I need that. Don’t bottle it up!

#10 Remove toxic people

This one I saved till last because it 9 & 10 are two of the most important in the long run, but this one is definitely the hardest. It might hurt at first, but it is so worth it. You are worth it. Anxious people are very often givers, or empaths. This means that naturally we can be quite naive and also sensitive. I will almost always recognise a change in tone, or a slight shift in a person- and yet sometimes I still struggle to cut ties with negative energies because I want to “fix” or at least “help” people. While this is often one of my greatest strengths, it has also been one of my greatest weaknesses, as it has left me prone to narcissists and “takers”. These are people who will be there for you particularly when the sun is shining but disappear when you need them most. People who if you pay attention, only have time for you when it suits them, or when they want something from you. This is so bad for your energy because it means you are literally feeding your energy and your lift into a bottomless pit, often for people who can’t or don’t want to be “fixed” or “helped”. One of the biggest life lessons I ever learned is that that’s ok! It is perfectly reasonable to want to surround myself with people who are genuinely as caring as I am. This may mean you end up with fewer friends than you thought- but my god will you notice a difference. You will instantly have more energy to put into healthy, sustainable relationships- without the gangrenous limb of a user weighing you down.

I really hope you learned something or at least enjoyed reading 10 ways in which I deal with my anxiety! Let me know in the comments any of your favourite techniques, I love hearing them! See you next week!
Francesca x
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Disclaimer: Just because these suggestions work for me doesn’t mean they will work for everyone. Everyone’s anxiety operates differently and has different triggers, for example- some people may find water claustrophobic where I find it relaxing and peaceful. x