“When we’re together, darling, every night is Halloween…”

Hey guys! Long time, no speak!! I know it’s been a long time since I posted, but I’ve really missed you all, so I wanted to make sure that when I came back to blogging it was with a post that is really meaningful and special to me.

Naturally, I couldn’t think of a better or more… “on-brand” date than Halloween! Since I got married TWO YEARS AGO today, this is probably going to be quite a mushy ‘open letter’ type of post, so if you’re not into that type of thing, please feel free to check out some of my older Halloween content, such as this last minute “vampire” make-up tutorial! That being said, to my readers: I thought for this post I could formally introduce my husband to you, along with our love story so far. I hope you enjoy it, or at least find some comfort or joy from it in some way! To my closer friends and family who have probably heard lame renditions of this story a thousand times, I’m sorry!! 


Dear Austin,

Growing up, as a chubby, bespectacled girl with THICK, frizzy Hermione-esque hair, a massive beauty mark, no top lip, and eyebrows the size of the sun… I got bullied a lot. I never felt like I was much to look at. Even as I hit puberty, got some contacts and discovered tweezers- the effects were lasting. As I grew into a young woman, I put up with a lot from boys, because I was grateful and flattered that anyone could see me as attractive at all. Some of them treated me abysmally, and totally skewed my opinion of love. Until, as I hit 18, I had a very real doubt that it existed at all.

In actuality, I liked being single. Naturally fiercely stubborn, wildly independent, and a true introvert- being alone was familiar, and comforting. No one to disagree with me, smother me, control me… or hurt me. By 21, I had almost completely absolved any expectations of finding “the one”, or realistically, any kind of long-term romantic partner.

The day I first talked to you (I think) was the 2nd March 2016. Shortly after you sent me the first tinder message, I’d just walked into the theatre to see the film “How to be single” in the cinema with a group of girls I was close with at university. The film basically is about a girl who was so “in love with the idea of love” that when she leaves her long term partner she doesn’t know how to function alone. I related to her a lot in the way that she actually found solace and adventure in being alone. Overall, the film left me feeling fulfilled, and confident in my singledom. As I left the theatre, you had hunted me down and messaged me on all my social medias, panicking, thinking that I had gotten bored of talking to you. Luckily for you- that wasn’t the case, and I found your pursuit endearing as a pose to creepy… (haha!).

Soon, I found we were talking all day, almost every day. I remember finding out you were American, and worrying that I’d find you obnoxious, loud, or that your accent would annoy me to tears. The first phone call we had, being the romantic I am, I said “Oh, your accent doesn’t actually piss me off”. Instead of finding my frankness rude, you found it hilarious, and I felt comfortable talking to you almost instantaneously, which is extremely uncommon for me. I remember thinking, “I could actually really be friends with this guy!” every time you hung up the phone.

The next week, returning from a night out early, as one of my girlfriends was too drunk to get into the club- I was complaining to you when I accidentally dropped my location pin on messenger. I had no idea that from that, you would get the idea in your head to spontaneously drive over to see me in the middle of the night. You arrived at 4am, I was still a touch under the influence and had no makeup on but the remnants of alien themed fancy dress, my hair was in a messy bun, and I was wearing my PJs under a big coat so that you wouldn’t get lost in the city. I told you “you shouldn’t have come”, and that I looked like a toe. You said I looked beautiful. I didn’t believe you, but then you came back, and you said the same thing every weekend thereafter.

I told you I didn’t want a boyfriend. That I didn’t have time while I was finishing my Bachelors. I was too career-oriented. Too perpetually single and selfish. You knew I was lying. I remember the way you refused to take my crap “You’ve been hurt before, I get it, but I won’t stop trying”. I thought you’d looked right through my soul to pull that out of the bag.

Within a month, you told me you loved me for the first time. I thought I’d misheard you because you were drunk, and laughed it off awkwardly. The week after, you left a post-it note on my ceiling saying the same thing- only this time, I couldn’t ‘mishear’ it. I slipped a similar note into your pocket as you left my flat the next weekend.

Loving you was easy. It wasn’t scary, intense, suffocating or anxiety inducing like it was with other guys. It was natural, easy, free. Like coming home after a long day. You never let me doubt you, never let me feel insecure, and never gave up on me when I was difficult. Most amazingly of all, you made me believe in love again when I was so adamant that wasn’t on the cards for me. You made me realise how much I DESERVED to be loved.

Finishing my degree, moving back home and becoming your girlfriend felt like a whirlwind. You were spending all your free time staying with me, until my grandma’s tenant moved out and she offered to let us stay at her empty property until it was filled. Deep down, after our first weekend there, I think we both knew that this was how things were meant to be. After about a mere month of staying together, we talked about how we would love having this house to be a reality. Tentatively, with the threat of you being deployed/stationed back in the US, or someone else moving into this house, you suggested that if we got married, the military would make things easier for us to make that happen. Again, I laughed it off. In the grand scheme of things, we’d been dating roughly half a year. “He must be crazy!” I confided in my Grandma. But after talking to her, she suggested that I was afraid of the wedding, and what people would say, and not the commitment. We soon realised that while this was true, I was never afraid of a marriage with you. Living with you and being with you felt so natural and normal- and I just knew.

Not long after, we were discussing moving in together more objectively. I was upstairs in front a mirror next to our mattress on the ground, dying my hair “boring poo brown” for a job interview, and you suggested it again, this time a bit more certainly. “We could get married?” I laughed… “Yeah, we could”.  There was a lot of “WAIT WHAT?” and “Oh my god are we engaged?” before you immediately ran downstairs to ring your parents and let them know. My hair hadn’t even finished developing.

At the tender age of 21, despite our parents knowing us well enough to understand, and though they wished we’d had a longer engagement, they understood why we were rushing. Other people however, besides a select few, thought we were insane, or that I was pregnant. (Two years on and still no unplanned offspring, just a healthy relationship and too many cakes thank you very much lol!). It’s really uncommon to get married so young in the U.K, outside of religious groups and cults- so I can understand why, but I became hyper-aware of people discussing my relationship, doubting our sincerity, and being pretty negative. I’ve always been way too concerned with what people thought about me, but you helped me to realise that nothing mattered outside of our happiness. If anything, it became “me and you against the world” very quickly. It made us stronger where a lot of couples might have waivered. I knew then, that your loyalty would almost be able to rival mine, and that we would be able to tackle anything together.

We knew what we were signing up for. We knew we were young. We knew we were stupid and giddy and in love. But we also knew we would be able to grow together, to change together, to choose to love one another even when it was hardest. We’ve had times like those. But in a much greater quantity, we’ve had the best time of our lives.

We brought a fur baby into the house, and argued a great deal about parenting the most obnoxious kitten ever, but we managed so well that we have the most confident, affectionate and dog-like feline dude I’ve ever known. We’ve struggled through finances, through my battles with employment and career stability, through arguments about washing up and even Mental Health.

Through it all, I’ve never doubted your love for me. You’re my rock, my team, my player 2, my support, my lover, my best friend and my biggest fan. We are so vastly different, and yet, you compliment me in ways I never knew possible. Your extroversion, your confidence and your Labrador-like zest for life makes me smile every day. You know when I’m too shy or uncomfortable in social situations and take the focus easily and subtly (or not, as the case may sometimes be). You lift me up and try tirelessly to lift me up when I’m low. You cry enough for the both of us. You put up with me when I’m feeling sick and sorry for myself. You think I’m pretty even when I look like I’ve been sleeping in a bin for a week and a day.

But most of all, you love me for my truest, most vulnerable and natural states. I used to worry about marriage, because I thought I’d never be able to truly be myself around someone else. But the fact is, I’m more myself with you than I was before, and I don’t know how that’s possible. So that I don’t ramble on any further, I just wanted to say that I love you. It’s been two years and I’m still not over the novelty of calling you “my husband”. I don’t even mind being that 1% gross statistic that actually married someone from Tinder anymore! 😂 This piece is a testament for you, the incredible man that I’ve come to know and love on a level I never knew possible. I’m so damn grateful that it’s you that I get to grow old with. I can’t wait to annoy you for the rest of my days!

Happy Two Year Anniversary!

I love you always.

Francesca.

X


morticia addams quotes

Dear Readers,

I hope that If you’re reading this and you’re feeling lost, un-loveable or down about love, the best advice I can ever give you is to love yourself. Appreciate yourself. Meditate, look inwards and learn about what you need or desire from a romantic partner. Remember you deserve happiness, and until you find someone worthwhile, don’t give up your singlehood, because actually, it can be great. You’ll know when you find ‘your person’, because it will make your life even more fun. I promise. xx

“Last Minute” Vampiress tutorial

 

Hey guys! Today I’m coming at you with my first ever tutorial! If you want to find out how to do this last minute vampire look I did, using things I mostly already had just laying around then keep on reading!

*My eye colour is edited from my natural green in this image using an app, because unfortunately my eyes can’t take coloured lenses*

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So, first of all, of course, I started off priming my face like I normally would. This is the primer I’m using at the moment. I bought this at first because I’m quite oily in my T-zone and I’m really self conscious of my large pores. I’ve been trying to gradually make the shift to cruelty free makeup, and I’d heard good things about this one. However, I’m not totally sold on this one, as I find that sometimes it can apply a little cakey and overly drying- so if any of my CF babes out there reading this have any recommendations for a blurring primer, please do leave suggestions in the comments below!


The second step I took was to apply my base as normal, but I mixed my foundation in with this Makeup Revolution “SFX Ghost Whitener”. I purchased this and the fake blood I mention later in a Halloween Drugstore Haul I did last week (post coming next week). As I was applying this I was considering how naff this product would probably be for my POC babes, so if thats you, perhaps skip this step or use some grey eyeshadow to make your skin a dull, ashy tone.

Of course, this look could also be achieved by using a face paint, or a very pale foundation if you are really feeling those last minute Halloween vibes! In fact, as I will mention later on, I didn’t get on superbly with this product, so I possibly would recommend a face paint anyway.

 

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As you can see, this product made my foundation very strange- It was paler than this in person- but for the most part I found this very odd. I wouldn’t recommend this product at all if you don’t have any setting powder- as beforehand it was creasing (as you can see in my lids), moving around, and kind of sitting on top of my skin as a pose to working with it. If your primer isn’t fantastic it also makes you very oily and clings to your pores in quite an unflattering fashion. As I was trying to put my lashes on later, the slightest touch to my face made it patchy and move around, I ended up having to “bake” my entire face to prevent this.

 

Now, you might think me a little crazy at first for these steps but bare with me! I didn’t have a particularly pigmented red tone, so I thought this would be a great opportunity to share with you how I will sometimes use an eye safe matte lipstick in its place. For this tutorial I went with Jeffree Star Velour Liquid Lipstick in shade “Checkmate”- (You can read more about this product here if you should so wish)!

So here as you can see, I went ahead and applied this product all over my lid. Don’t be afraid, you don’t have to be too neat with it- as most of the blending and shadow work we do later will correct any mess left behind. But, I just thought this added a really nice, rich shade to start us off.

For the next part I picked up my Urban Decay Full Spectrum Palette and lightly dipped into the pinkish shade “gossip” using a fluffy brush. I popped this into the crease for a base and to begin blending out the red on my eyelids.

Following this, I then dipped into the shade “Seize” which is the orangey tone to the right of it, and proceeded to blend this one up and really concentrate it in my crease and eradicate the cooler pink tones I’d just put down. (This may seem counterproductive- but it really helped the colours to blend more seamlessly)


After blending those two shadows you will probably end up with something a little bit like this. Yes, it’s still a little messy, but you now have a great outline for you to start adding depth and dimension to your lids.

Before the next step I took a clean fluffy brush and really worked on blending those shadows up towards my brows to diffuse the harsh lines at the top. If this isn’t working, feel free to go in with your go to transition shade, preferably a light neutral or warm brown, and work this gently into the crease.

The next step is where your look will really start coming together. I could have used a warm deep brown from any palette I had, but for this look I chose my (very loved as you see) trio palette from Mally. This palette has been a staple of mine for about two years now, the shades are just really complimentary to my skin tone and they are all super richly pigmented.

So, with this Mally palette I took the middle brown with a fluffy brush and popped that into my crease. Gently blending it in circles I managed to make the transition smooth, so I could no longer see any traces of the lines created by the lipstick product.

I then went back into this colour, and began to bring it down to smoke out the lower lash line. A mistake people often make with vampiric looks is thinking that it has to involve a whole lot of black, but actually I added most of my dimension here by building up this brown shade.

Don’t worry too much about fall out here, as of course with a vampiric look you don’t have to look flawless and it helps to look a little dead. However, if it bothers you, you can always gently sweep it off or touch it up with more white/face product.

 

Next, I always actually like to do my liner before the final steps of my eyeshadow as I find that for me it helps me to see where I want to place the most depth in my shadow, and also if there’s any mess or errant liner it makes it easier to correct or smoke out with shadow.

Here I am, winged and ready!

Next I dipped into shade “Warning” which is a very unique, shimmery burnt orange. I used this to even further blend out my shadow at the top and the inner corners where I felt like there was too much pink going. It provides depth by adding a nice orange tone in between your brow and the red.

After I added the brown, I built up even more depth in my outer corner using the darker shadow in the Mally palette- and a very light touch of a black shade from my new sleek palette (I will review these in a haul soon).

Be sure to go in very lightly with your brush when playing with dark shades if you are a beginner, because it’s much easier to build up darker shades than it is to blend them out. More often than not if you add too much you will end up changing the entire look, or having to start again. Which is ok, of course, its make-up! Experimentation is great fun, but sometimes we just don’t have all day, no?

Next I wanted to try some new lashes I got, so I went with these Wispies from Eyelure. I’d been disappointed previously with set that were too small for my eyes, and so I treated myself to something a little extra drama for this tutorial.

I loved the way these looked on, they are so long and dramatic and I felt they really completed such an intense eye look.

After that I used a dark brown liner in my waterline, and added a tiny bit of dark eyeshadow into my brows. My brows are naturally dark and thick so I don’t really like to do too much with them, else I’ll end up with big ole slugs, but I do fill in any gaps and square off the inner corners.

I did my eye makeup first knowing that there may be complications with fallout or with the face product I was testing for the first time. I was lucky to not have to correct any fallout- but as I mentioned before I had to basically reapply my whole face after applying my lashes and touching my face. After doing so I set it all using my go to translucent powder, which made the product a little bit more acceptable.

When all this was done, I was ready for my favourite part! Contour and highlight. For this look I didn’t contour using very much, and went in using the coolest shade there is, because after all, vampires are supposed to look “dead”. Therefore I used the cool shade on the underside of my cheekbones and along my jawline and double chin to help exterminate Cornelius! (my second chin).

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For highlight I used Jeffree Star Skin Frost in shade “Lavender Snow”. I love Lavender Snow but barely get a change to wear it as it doesn’t really suit my face as a highlight, it’s a little too cool for my skin and actually gives me a bit of a grey hue when its used anywhere except the eyes. So, for this tutorial, since I am supposed to look dead, I used this on top of my whitened face and it was blinding. The pictures really don’t do it justice.

The final touch was this fake blood I bought, again from Makeup Revolution. To be honest, I wasn’t that enthralled with this product, It wasn’t the most realistic one I’d ever used, and MY GOD did it stain my skin. But it’s all worth it for the IG aesthetics… Right?

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For my lips I went in with my old vampy faithful, “Designer Blood”. (Reusing my image from my favourite matte lips for fall post as I forgot to take another)

And so, Voilà! My completed look. I wish I could have finished it with a Morticia-esque wig, but alas, I unfortunately don’t really have the funds!

Obviously most of these steps you can recreate with products you have in your own makeup bag. Even if you don’t have any warm tones, this look would also look great and super gothic with purples!

 


 

I hope you guys really enjoyed my first ever tutorial. I never thought I’d be brave enough to start doing this, so every little view counts. Thank you so much for reading, please let me know in the comments below if you tried this, or if you have any other spooky suggestions for me this month! 

Love always,
Frankii

x