Birthdays suck…

Every year I dread my Birthday. I always see people with big extravagant parties, gifts and surrounded by family and friends. As an introvert, and as someone who suffers with anxiety, my friendship circle has always been small. I struggle making new friends, because I’m always weary of new people who might judge me or misunderstand my self-care/hibernation periods. I spent far too much of my young adult life trying to please and impress people who never cared a smidge about me- so nowadays I’d rather have no friends than I would fake friends. I’ve made peace with that, and I love my small collection of remaining friends.

Previously, where I may have tried to organise a big meal or event with “friends”, in recent years for the most part I’ve given up. Sometimes I find life a little tough as I always feel a bit on the outside. Like I’m always a friend but never a “best-friend”.

As it happens, since January 3rd is such an awkward date, I’ve always found that people will produce a multitude of excuses and flake. “I have no money”, “I’m still hungover from NYE”, “I’m back at work that day”, “I’m with family”. While these are all valid excuses, I became exhausted by getting my hopes up every year that one year would be different and that someone would remember and give me an amazing surprise- or at the very least, make the day less depressing.

In essence, nothing about 23 is an exciting age, and at this stage I’m fairly certain I will be spending it alone with my cat. All I ever really hope for are memories. I just wish that my birthdays didn’t always seem to merge into one constant dreary January. This year I had my best friends over and a visitor for Austin over for New Year, so I suppose that today after dropping them off at the train station anything would feel slightly anticlimactic- but my husband and my mum this year both couldn’t take it off work. Of course, this isn’t their fault, but it does add substantially to the feeling of disappointment. I’m quite family oriented and I live for the moments that involve the whole family together spending some quality time just laughing.

Furthermore, now I’m past 21, I struggle to get excited about hitting age milestones. It makes me feel a little frightened at the speed my life is going, and generally just more aware of my own mortality. My birthday always serves as a reminder I’m probably almost a quarter of a way through my life, and that I’ve barely achieved anything in that time. Not only that, but it actually seems to serve as a cute little reminder of how lonely and isolated I’ve become. All in all, I will probably spend tomorrow in bed, napping, and playing the PS4… and I’m ok with that.

The intent of this post isn’t to sound whiny, selfish and entitled, but I really want to make a point of sharing both the good and the bad parts of mental health. This time of year is never a great one for me, but alas, there’s always next year. Wish me happy gaming!

Love,

Frankii.

It’s Pride Month!

It’s Pride Month, and so for my first ever blog post I thought that to show how much I love and support all of the community, I thought I’d share some of my favourite rainbow/LGBTQ+ items to help you get your pride on! 


#1. Urban Decay Full Spectrum Eyeshadow Palette

I bought this beauty (I think) back in March, hoping that having such a diverse range of colours at my disposal would encourage me out of my comfort zone and force me to experiment with tones that aren’t necessarily a shade of brown or nude. Since then I have actually come leaps and bounds with my confidence and colour experimentation. Two of my favourite looks so far consist of a dark smokey eye with neon green in my inside corners, and a deep red smokey eye inspired by one of Manny MUA’s signature warm looks. So far i’ve found the palette diverse and fairly well pigmented, with minimal fall out. My personal favourite shades so far are “warning”, which is a deep metallic copper, and “hatter”, a beautiful vibrant green with a tiny bit of shimmer. While not remarkably cheap as it will set you back £43, I think for the quality and versatility it is a great little investment to have.

#2. LASplash Crystalized Glitter

Anyone who knows me well will know that when it comes to shiny or sparkly objects I am practically a magpie. I adore glitter, and love to dress up any look with a bit of this in my inner corner. I’ve owned my trusty glittery orb for about a year now, after I saw a friend wearing it, I had to have one. I was familiar with the brand already, having owned and loved the famously beautiful (yet slightly drying) “ghoulish” back when that first became popular on Instagram. The shade I have is called “gold rush”, but more recently I have my heart set on a cooler shade “piña colada”- as I am delighted to discover that they now make sales through http://www.beautybay.com/lasplash/ so I no longer have to contend with extortionate postage!

#3 Jeffree Star Skin Frost – “Lavender Snow”

Initially when I saw Jeffree debut this on Youtube I was sceptical, but fast became enamoured. I dared myself to purchase this along with shades “Peach Goddess” and “King Tut” which have become staples in my every day looks- but I was concerned about the cool tones as I am fairly dark skinned for a British girl, and I was concerned it would be unflattering with my skin tone. Admittedly, when I first played with it I was a bit disenchanted with the way it looked on my cheeks, though I loved the glam it could add to an eyeshadow look. Though not a total waste to use it in this form, I decided to try layering it on top of a warmer shade, particularly just to accentuate the very tip of my cheekbones. I found this to be a much more pleasing aesthetic to just piling it on as I was before. I also love to apply a bit of this to my cupid’s bow with a fan brush when I am wearing cold/purple toned lipsticks.

#4 Dragon Age

On a slightly different note, as far as LGBTQ+ positive things I have to mention my favourite game series of all time: Bioware’s Dragon Age. I’d forgotten how much I genuinely enjoyed the game, until I picked the controller back up again recently and immersed myself. In 2016 I actually completed my media bachelors dissertation on “Developments in the portrayal of sexuality and gender in video games, particularly relating to Anglophone media culture, as shown by Bioware’s DA series.” During this I touched on how oftentimes ‘romancable’ characters were often bisexual, and gay relationships were very rarely treated as different to ordinary heterosexual relationships. In my opinion, that is the attitude society should hold, it should never be an issue who you fall in love with. Not only was this a groundbreaking game experience for me in that respect, but Dragon Age: Inquisition featured a character called “Krem”, the first Trans character I have ever seen in any video game experience. Because video gaming is one of the most interactive and therefore immersive forms of media there is, I thought I had to mention it here as I felt that it was such an effective way to alter societal expectations of love and gender. 


I’d love to hear about any of the things you are loving this Pride month, so feel free to comment below or talk to me about any of the things I’ve mentioned here! x